I need some help or advice please blog world. It is regarding my son and his behavior. Apparently he is have some major issues with the other children at his daycare - I guess you could call him a bully. It seems like everyday when I pick him up from the sitter she tells me it was hitting someone or pushing one of the older kids or biting one of the kids. She said she tell him no and takes him out of the situation but that does not seem to be working. She said she cannot give him time out because he will not stay and she does not have the time to sit there with him everytime he does something bad.
He is there with four other boys - age ranging from 3 years old to 11 months old. He seems to pick on all of them. Today really put me over the edge - she told me one of the parents of the other child asked about the bite marks my child left on him. What am I going to do?
The thing is that he never acts that way around me or my husband - he has never bitten me or tried to hit me - but that being said we are really not around any children other than him.
Tell me what to do or tell me what I can tell the babysitter to do. Do you think I need to find a new sitter - I want him to be a good boy. Do you think this is a cry for help - or something more?? Any advice is appreciated.
9 comments:
I am no expert, but my understanding is that kids this little usually bite or hit out of frustration when they can't communicate in any other way. (Not sure how many words he has)
You should definitely remove him from that sitter and that particular environment which seems to be spurring his frustration. But also because it's not fair to subject the other children to a biter/hitter.
Call your Pediatrician asap!
Best of luck, mama.
How good is his ability to communicate? He's too young to be able to talk much, but can he understand yes/no questions and answer appropriately? Have you taught him any baby sign language? Often biting and aggressive behavior stems from frustration at inability to communicate. So addressing this might help.
My son just got bit at daycare by another kid yesterday! They said he didn't cry, even though the bite mark cut thru his skin.
I agree with the other two previous commenters. I think something is triggering him to act this way. It's hard for your sitter because she is the only adult there, but she needs to remove your little from the other kids and talk to him and just really try and stress that biting is not an acceptable behavior (it's SO hard for the little guy to understand that). She doesn't have to sit with him a looong time, but she definitely needs to TRY and address it right away.
Fortunately, my son is at a center so there are other teachers around and the Center director called me right away and told me about it.
Good luck!
Since I used to work in a daycare center for some many years, I have a lot of experience with it. Colin is at the age now, where this is actually a pretty normal behavior. Is it stressful? Hard to manage? And upsetting? Sure. Of course! Who wants their kid biting and hitting..and who wants their kid being bit or hit. I agree with the others, on the language bit..does he have many words or can he sign anything? It's much easier to manage this behavior at a center, because there are more teachers..more patience etc. Someone would be able to sit with him in time out etc. I've been noticing Sam biting down on her toys when she gets frustrated and she'll sometimes pat (the baby I watch) head too hard. And Ill catch her doing it and say "No! Niceee...nice hands!" And I think she is getting it. But trust me, I know it's hard all around. And it's hard when he is not showing it at home. Talk to his doc maybe and I have also hear of having him wear a teeth around his neck like a necklace, I've heard sometimes this helps when they are frustrated..the daycare provider could teach him to try and bite on that. I'm kind of confused though because how is he bullying a 3 year old around? lol Hang in there momma. I bet your ped will tell you it is normal at this age..hard to deal with..but normal..
Totally normal toddler behavior. They do it out of frustration, teething, ear aches, and because they can't communicate. It's not bullying at all. Every day my son would either bite or get bitten. Some were nasty, but the daycare never showed concern for the children's safety. It is natural for them and it feels good on their gums. I never saw him do it to us, it was mostly when another kid took a toy away from him. Hope this helps. I love reading about how's he doing!
I rarely comment on blogs, but felt strongly on this one. I have been on both ends. My daughter was one who was always bitten, my son was the bitter. Either position is terrible, but it is completely normal toddler behavior. He will grow out of it. It may take a while and it can be really stressful for you, but hang in there. There were nights I was in tears about it because I felt so terrible, but there is truly nothing you can do to stop them from biting. You can teach them thing to help, but in the end they act on impulse and at their age, they don't have much control over it. :)
I have to disagree with the first comment on removing him from the daycare. If he is familiar with the environment, removing him and putting him into a new daycare, where he doesn't know anybody, could make things far worse. If he doesn't adapt to change well, it will be stressful for him and the stress could cause him to act out, more biting, more hitting....you just don't know. I would stay put. Work with your provider on how best you can work through this time. Make sure to keep your lines of communication open. That will only help the situation.
As terrible as this sounds....I was happy when my bitter got bit. He didn't bite so much after that. It made him realize what he was doing to the other kids really hurt them.
I've put in way more than my 2 cents. Obviously I'm passionate about this topic having been on both sides. I didn't get it when I had just the child who was being bitten. You really don't have control over it.
I hope this phase passes quickly for you. Hang in there!
Hugs!!
My boys have gotten bitten in school more times than I would like to count, in an effort to help them not bite back, I read to them Teeth are not for biting, it is a good little book. the daycare even asks me to bring it in when there is an incident of biting. But it happens and don't worry, I was a biter long ago, so I give the parents some slack.
Agreed with the above posters- he's frustrated and can't communicate. Baby sign language is a fantastic way to go. I am torn on taking him out of there... a change can be rough, but if she can't do a time out i am not sure how effective it will be. Good luck! I do think it's totally normal!!! Though NOT fun.
And finally... btw... I am allowed to comment on your blog, ha!
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