Christmas

Besides yesterday - I did have a really nice Christmas - DH spoiled me as usual and got me a coach bag and I love it. I also got a digital picture frame, some sweaters and some gift cards from him. The dinner went very well. The table worked out and all 11 of us were able to sit down and eat together - which was so important to me. Plus I am started to feel better - which is a big plus - each day it gets better and better - I am sure by next week I will feel like my old self again. I am going to call tomorrow to set up a meeting with my RE to go over our options and a plan for 2009. I am a bit nervous - I think he is only going to let me do one more IUI - being that I have already done six of them - but we really do not have to money to move to IVF - I just wish is was covered by my insurance - then it would not be a problem - I guess I will just have to wait and see what he says. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

Had a breakdown at inlaws house today.

Today was not a good day. I went to meet up with my hubby at a bar by my inlaws house today for a drink before going over to my inlaws for a baby shower for one of DH's cousins. Anyway, I saw one of my mom's old friends at the bar that I have not seen in years so I decided to go over and say hello. Well the first thing at of his mouth was - Do you have any kids yet? I gave my standard answer - not yet - maybe soon - we will see and he started basically yelling at me - he said I was not getting any younger and that I really need to start having children and that he heard that my younger brother already had two children and what was my problem?? He kept going on and on - I just walked away and out of the bar - DH followed me to make sure I was okay - I drove to my inlaws house from there - I walked in their door and just started crying - I was sobbing - I just could not help it - like where did that guy get off - what right did he have - he had no clue what I was going through. My father in law just gave me a big hug and kiss - but I was so embrassed that I was crying in front of them - but I could not help it. I hate IF and everything that comes with it.

Going back to work after Lap Surgery = Not Fun

Ughh - this has to be the longest day of my life - I am so dramtic - LOL. No but seriously I am not a happy camper - I am sore and just do not feel good and it is hard to sit upright because my incision in my belly gets pushed down and then it hurts. I am leaning back on my chair - which in turn is making my back hurt. I told my boss when he came in this morning that I could not pull files or bend over or lift anything heavy - what does he tell me to do - not an hour later - pull a file. I had to get on my knees to get the file - it was horrible. Then to add to the problem there is a bit of fresh blood under the glue where my incison is - I think it is from my pants rubbing - the same thing happend to John with his inicison - and he went to the doctor and the doctor said it was fine as long as it was not coming out of the glue - so I guess it is fine. I hope so. I am so tired - I never realized how important it is to have your health - everything takes me forever and really tires me out - I hope I feel back to normal soon - I am sick of feeling this way. At least tomorrow is only a half a day - I can make it two more hours - just two more hours then I can do home and get in bed - okay - complaint over.

Christmas is coming

I am getting excited - this week is going to be crazy - I hope I can keep up. I am still pretty sore and slow moving. Today is my last day off of work - I have to go back tomorrow and work a full day and then a half a day on Christmas Eve. I went food shopping today with my hubby to get all the things we need for our big Christmas dinner - we are having a sit down dinner for 11 people - it is my first Christmas doing this and I am so excited. I had to miss John's big family pollyanna on Sat. because I was not up to going - but I did get a great gift - a Kodak digital picture frame - love it. This week we have alot of running around to do - see all of our friends - and then dinner at our house on Christmas day. My cousin came over and decorated my tree for me this weekend - it turned out good.

Lap Surgery Complete

I had my lap surgery three days ago. It was not fun. We got to the hospital about 8:30 am and the took me right back. I got changed into a gown and had to wait in this little room by myself for about a half and hour until I could get a bed. Once I got a bed - they hooked up my IV and started giving me fluids and they let John come back and be with me at that point. I was a mess - I kept crying and could not stop - I was so nervous. Plus all of the fluids they were giving me made me pee - alot. I was back there for about and hour or so and I went to the bathroom 6 times during that period - I ask if they could stop the fluids but they said no.

At 10:30 am I finally went back to the OR. Once they gave me the drugs I was out - do not remember a thing.

When I woke up my throat was so sore - my mouth was so dry and I kept coughing and coughing. I was coughing so much that they began to become concerned but all I need was some ice chips to wet my very dry mouth. So after that I was able to go to the bathroom and then since I went to the bathroom I was able to leave. Once I came out of the bathroom - John was there waiting for me - I got dressed and we were able to leave. I was home by 2:30 pm.

I am very glad to be home. The worse part is my throat - it is so sore and coughing hurt my incisions. The incison are okay - the one in the belly hurts the worse and it is made harder by the fact that they gave me no pain medicine - which I find really odd - when I asked about it they told me all I need was advil. So that is what I have been taking. Luckly I have had no gas pain. I am still a bit sore but getting around. John has been taking such good care of me.

Oh and last but not least - they did not find anything - I got the all clear - so that is a good thing.

Tomorrow is the big day

I cannot believe my surgery is tomorrow. I am so nevous - but prepared. I spent most of the weekend getting things checked off my list. I got the house all cleaned - let just hope it can stay that way. I all the wash done. I got all of my Christmas shopping done and all of my present wrapped. Tonight I will go food shopping so we are all stocked up and get my Christmas tree. I have all my work done at my office and everything is good for when I am not there. I am ready. It will be fine - and I have a great husband who is going to take great care of me. I will not know until tonight after work what time my surgery is at - but they told me it would be in the morning. I probably will not be posting for a few days - but once I feel up to it - I will post all about the surgery.

Longwood Gardens

We went to Longwood Gardens last night and had such a nice time - I took a ton of photos - everything is just so beautiful there. Then we can home and watched "It's a wonderful life" my favorite movie of all time - it was a great night.

Pre-Op Appointment

I went for my pre-op appointment yesterday - I met with the RE first and went over everything that was going to happen and filled out a bunch of forms and signed a million papers.

Then I went over to the hospital where I am having my surgery and met with the Aesthesiologist and she went over everything - they are going to have to stick a tube down my throat - not fun.

I am super nervous because of course they had to tell everything that can go wrong - which freaked me out - even though I know that just have to tell me - just in case - not that it will happen to me - but it is still scary.

I have to call on Monday and find out what time I have to go in - it will be in the morning sometime.

I just cannot wait until it is over.

The Coach Handbag

So I have my SIL again this year from my pollyanna - a pollyanna for those of you who do not know is that we all put our names in a hat and each pick one - that way everyone gets a gift and you only have to spent for one person.

Last year I got her a Dooney & Burke bag and she love love loved it - she has used that handbag since the day she got it - never switched bags and is still using it - but they are expensive and I did not want to spend that much money this year.

So I know her friend bought her a down comforter for Christmas - so I thought I would get her the duvet and shams to go with it. So that is what I did - I did not realize that they are not cheap either and I ended up spending $ 160.00 - so I called John and told him what I got and he was disappointed and said that gift would not wow her and I should of gotten her another handbag because she would love that.

So I figure that I had a $ 25 off coupon so that bag that I liked for her would only be $ 175.00 - which would not be far off from the $ 160 I had already spend. So I returned the duvet and shams and got the bag - the only thing was the coupon did not work for handbag - so I had to pay the full $ 200 - which I did not want to do at all - and the sales lady kept saying if I came back next week I could get it on sale because they were having a big sale - but I cannot go back next week because of my surgery - so I had to just pay the $ 200.00.

At least I know she will really love it and it will get put to good use and not just sit in her closet. Plus Christmas is a time for giving.

On a side note - I saw this cutest Michael Kors bag there and it was on sale for $ 200.00 - I wish I could of bought it. Maybe it will still be there after Christmas - when they run all of the sales.

The Countdown Begins

One week until my surgery and oh so much to do. I have something that needs to get done every single day up until the surgery.

Today I have to go to the dermatologist. I was there about a month ago and he gaves me a cream to start using on my face - every since I went off BCP my face has looked like I was 15 and then adding clomid to the mix did not help things - my face is so bad now and there is not much I can do - because I am trying to have a baby - I cannot take any oral medicaiton - just another joy of infertility to add to the list. So I will go there after work today but I do not think there is much he is going to say or tell me to do.

Then tomorrow night after work - I am meeting my friends from my old job for our Christmas dinner - I am really looking forward to it.

Wed. I have to do a dry run to the hospital where I am having my surgery - because I have never been there before and I have to go in for pre admission testing on Thursday. I also have to stop at my Godmother's house and pick up there gifts she has for my nieces.

Then on Thursday I have to go meet with my RE and then go to the hospital for the pre admission testing.

On Friday - I have to go mail out my brother's Christmas package and try to finish up my last minute Christmas shopping and the odds and ends that I need.

On Sat - I am hoping to go to Longwood Gardens - depending on the weather.

On Sunday I have to do major cleaning of my house - because it is the only time I am going to be able to do it before my Christmas dinner.

On Monday, John and I will go get our Christmas tree after work. Then the surgery is on Tuesday.

I actaully did have a very relaxing weekend. On Friday I went and bought some clothes that I can wear after sugery that look half way decent but will also be comfortable on my incision and I just hung out the rest of the weekend - it was nice not to have to do anything.

Expect Miracles

I was driving home last night and the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that read "Expect Miracles" so that is just what I am going to do - I am going to expect that my miracle is coming and I am never going to give up hope that one day I will have a child. I will have hope in my heart until I can have a child in my arms.

Cannot Sleep at Night

Because my brain is on overload. I am driving myself crazy - there is just so much that still needs to be done.

We are trying to have a sit down dinner for our Christmas party this year. But my table will not fit all 12 people who are attending so we are trying to figure out a way to get some additional tables and make them fit in my tiny dining room, then we have to go to BJ's and get all the paper products and then we still have to get the tree and I need to get a few outfits - one for Christmas day, one for the baby shower I need to go to and one for New Years - they have to be comforable because my incision might still be sore and healing.

Plus there is still a few odds and end that need to be done around the house, like touch up paint and a major scrubbing of everything.

Plus I am really going to have to rely on John to do all the things around the house that I normally do - such as the wash and dishes and dinners and just maintaining a clean house. I like things done my way so this is going to be a tough one for me.

Then there is getting all of the food for the party. Then attending all of the doctors appointments I have along with Christmas related functions.

I know I keep thinking this surgery is going to be worse than it probably is going to be - but I need to prepare just in case I cannot do all of these things that I want and need to do.

Then my mind also drifts toward TTC. I keep thinking maybe just maybe they will find something and it will fix our problem and then we will do our 7th IUI in Feb and get pregnant and have our baby or babies in November - so this time next year I could be a mom. Or will next year be like this year - alot of work and no reward. What if they find nothing. We that be good or bad for us.

I know everything will get done - but it just seems like so much right now. I am exhausted just thinking about all of it.

What a good 4 day weekend.

I had a great weekend. On Thanksgiving we went to John's parents house for dinner and it was so good - they had turkey and ham and cranberry sauce - which they never have - and pumpkin pie - so all the staples were there. It was very tasty. My one sister in law was a bit annoying - she kept repeating everything I said - like she was 5 years old - she is 24 and my MIL gave me this ratty old picture frame with all of these old pictures of John's family in it - she said I have too many pictures of my family in my house and not enough of John's family. I wanted to say to her so badly - that my family is gone - passed away - all of have left is pictures - your son gets to see you everyday - but I just held back and nodded.

On Friday - I cleaned my house and put all the Christmas decorations up inside the house. Wrapped all of my Christmas present - I am finally done.

Sat - I tried to put as many of the outside decorations out as I could by myself - which was not many - because John had to work - we decided to finish them on Sunday. We went to our friends house on Sat night and hung out and watch Fred Claus - cute movie.

Then it rained all day on Sunday - so we will have to do the decorations after work today - it should only take about an hour to finish.

Sunday night me and John decided to go see Four Christmases - it was okay - not really that funny - there was a few parts that were good.

Back to work today and I have been super super busy.

I got a call from the RE office today - they want me to come in to see the doctor for my pre-op appointment on Dec. 11th - I will meet with him and then go over to the hospital for pre admission testing - everything is already all set up - which is a weight off of my shoulders - they got all the referrals and subitted everything to the insurance company and sent everything over to the hospital arleady - they are really on the ball.

I cannot believe I am having surgery in two weeks. How did this get so far. I never thought our would IF would let to me having surgery.

This too shall pass - this too shall pass - soon enough I will be holding my child and this will all be a memory.

I hope I am at least pregnant by next Christmas - but I guess that is what I said last Christmas - so who knows.