Tell me readers - am I overreacting??
Here is the story - My SIL - we will call her SIL 1 - she is John's brothers wife - she did a IVF treatment the same time as me and it worked for me but not for her - granted it was her first one and our first one ended in miscarriage but still I felt so bad for her - IF sucks for everyone.
My other SIL - we will call her SIL 2 - is pregnant - she is three weeks behind me and just got pregnant on her own - they were not even trying.
So SIL 1 comes over my house about a month ago and tells me she is happy for SIL 2 but not for me - I am still shocked she would even say that to my face - she said it was because we both did a treatment and hers did not work and mine did.
More on to my baby shower - SIL 1 was not there - I get it - baby showers are hard - so I figure she is going go to bail out of both mine and SIL 2 baby showers and I did not blame her. But now comes SIL 2 baby shower - and SIL 1 is actually bringing SIL 2 to the baby shower - so obviously she is going to be at SIL 2 baby shower.
I cannot believe this - how can you go to SIL 2 baby shower and not mine - it is not right and it is not fair and I think it is just wrong - then SIL1 facebooks me and says I am still thinking of you - bullshit. Obviously she really is not happy for me and really happy for SIL2 - which is being shown in her actions. I am so just so mad - you do not go to one family members shower and not the other. I am so hurt and I have decide no more being nice - she better not say anything to me at this shower.
Maybe it is my hormones but I am just so upset by this - because if I tried to pull this crap John's family would be all over me about this and when I raise the issue to his family about the way she is treat the two pregnant women in the family completely different - they actually told me that maybe she has healed - or is healing - oh so she is healed enough to go to a baby shower 3 weeks after mine - please.
8 comments:
I understand the hurt feelings, I would feel the same. I would just try to remember all the crazy feelings I had while struggling to get pregnant and things I did and said. Remember she is hurting too. Hugs to you still, not fair.
I get her feeling regarding not coming to the baby shower - but you should not go to one sisters baby shower and not the other one - it is just not right.
You have every right to be angry. I would be too. She's obviously not hurting enough to show up at ANY shower! I understand how painful it is to be at those things when you are struggling and hurting. But what she did was wrong and just mean.
Try not to let her get to you too much. She is trying to upset you out of jealousy. Not cool.
I think you have every right to feel hurt but she is definitely hurting even more. We all know how hard the emotions of infertility affect us. I disagree that she's doing this to purposely upset you out of jealousy. She's doing what she can to get herself through this.
I remember when you first posted about SIL 2 announcing her pregnancy and you admitted you weren't very happy. You wanted to be pregnant by yourself. You feared that her pregnancy would work out and yours wouldn't and the painful reminder that would be. How wonderful that you both have little bundles of joys just around the corner. Your SIL 1 doesn't have that. If she needs to put a little space to gain some peace, I think our shared experiences put us in the best situation to understand that.
SIL 1 needs to get over herself. I'm going through IF too and there's no way a true friend would have the audacity to say "I'm not happy for you bc you got pg"-- if anything that's just horrible karma. While it's hard to see people around you get what you want so badly, it takes a stronger person to be HAPPY for them and have faith your time will come.
That is so tough. I would be mad too. But then I find myself jealous of my sister in law who is pregnant with her second baby and over the moon happy for a friend who is having her first. Both of them conceived naturally while I went through IVF to have my son. (which is how I found your blog a while back) We are looking into having our second now but due to the cost of treatments I'm not sure when it will happen. Emotions are a tough thing when it comes to infertility. I want to avoid my sister in law right now (for no other reason but for the fact she is pregnant) but at the same time I am really excited to put a baby gift together for my friend. Just don't take her actions too personally, I know I did some not so nice things to people I really do care about while dealing infertility.
I'm sorry. You are not overreacting in my opinion. I get the no shower thing but would be pissed too about her going to the other shower. Maybe your shower hurts more than the other sister's because you did IVF and it reminds her of how hers failed. But if it is family I really think she should suck it up for a few hours and go to show support since it is family and close family. I think the whole telling you she's not happy for you is really messed up. You supported your sister in law when your first IVF failed, even though it hurt you. But she may get over it, if not oh well. You can't let other people get you down or angry or anything, you just need to enjoy your happy pregnancy. But I would assume it is her being really upset about your IVF working and hers not. IF really can be painful.
Are SIL1 and SIL2 sisters? Because I can see it being easier to support your bio sister than SIL. That doesn't make it right. I would be more pissed by her telling me she's happier for the SIL2 than me.
Post a Comment