I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween.
Tonight we are going to give out candy with our neighbors - I brought tons of it yesterday so we are fully stocked - I just hope it all goes and there is not a bunch leftover for me to eat.
Tomorrow night I am going to a jewelry demonstration with some of my girlfriends - it should be fun - I never been to one before. I can get some pieces to wear for the holidays coming up.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
They Won!!!!
Yayayaya - the Phillies won the World Series and it was such a good game. Finally - we finally won!!!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Work Drama
I seriously cannot take it anymore - see I work for two men - one is the president and one is the vice president of the company - and they are together as a couple as well. Well I love my boss the president - he is a great boss and I like what I do and I even think my co-workers are okay - I have been here for 5 years. But lately the vice-president - which I work under has been crossing the line and I do not know what to do about it - the first time he crossed the line - he started telling me about his love life and I went to the president of the company and told him that I wanted to keep everything professional in the office and that I was very uncomfortable with that kind of talk - and everything was fine for awhile - then vice-president has been acting really odd lately and this morning it came to a head - see only me and vice-president are here in the mornings - I get in at 8 am and most people do not come in until 9 am - so vice-president tell me he would like to speak to me in the conference room - so I am figuring it is something work related - nope. As soon as I get in there he begins to sob like a big baby - telling me how horrible his life is - blah, blah, blah - so I told him I was not comfortable and asked to go back to my desk and do my work - which I did - but now I am wondering if I should tell president about this incident. I doubt anything will happen to vice-president being that they are a couple - and it may just make me look bad - so I am in kind of a crossroad here of what I should do - but this behavior is very unprofessional and I am so tired of dealing with it.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Someone hearts me.
A big thank you goes out to Meepit on Parade for honoring me with this . I feel so loved.
This award also comes with a meme.
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Where is your significant other? Work
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? missed
5. Your father? gone
6. Your favorite thing? Uggs
7. Your dream last night? Forgotten
8. Your dream/goal? Baby
9. The room you're in? Office
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? Alone
12. Where do you want to be in six years? mom
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? Fertile
15. One of your wish list items? coat
16. Where you grew up? PA
17. The last thing you did? Eat
18. What are you wearing? Sweater
19. Your T.V.? Off
20. Your Pet? Pumpkin
21. Your computer? On
22. Your mood? pissed
23. Missing someone? brother
24. Your car? Gray
25. Something you're not wearing? Hat
26. Favorite store? Target
27. Your Summer? Fun
28. Love someone? hubby
29. Your favorite color? Purple
30. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday
31. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday
And now...the I heart your blog goes to......
Sorry I do not know how to do the links.
1. Inconceivable - http://itisinconceivable.blogspot.com/ - because she is going through the same thing I am going through and because both of our DH's had surgery the same week but her DH is having a hard recovery and she has a hard month.
2. A day in the life of Karen - http://www.adayinthelifeofkaren.blogspot.com/ - because her blog is so fun to read and she has great design tips.
3. Life in the not so fast lane - http://notthefastlane.blogspot.com/ - because she is my T-TTC sister and she is being induced today - she is going to be a mommy today - yay!!
4. Just trying to make a cub - http://justtryingtomakeacub.blogspot.com/ - because she finally made a cub and I am so happy for her.
5. Impatiently Hoping - http://impatientlyhoping.blogspot.com/ - because I met her at the Nestie GTG and she is also pregnant now.
All of these women are so wonderful and so strong and they have all helped me on my TTTC journey. I heart all of them!!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Christmas Shopping, Baby Book and Too Big
On Friday - I started my Christmas shopping - I got both of my nieces done. Every week I will try to get a little more done. Then on Sat - I took my godmother to Olive Garden for her 76th birthday - she loved it. Then she wanted to go shopping - so we went to Target and she had me looking at everything - she ended up buying alot of things - I did not get anything. Once I dropped her off - I decided to go to Mandees to check out the winter coats they have on sale and I totally scored - I got a nice winter dress coat for $ 71.00 - it was originially $ 129.00 - I love it.
Then Sat night we went to our friends house to watch the Phillies game. My friend told me she had something for me - I got all excited - then she hands me a baby book - really??? I know that she meant well and she saw it and thought of me - but come on - I am not even pregnant yet - and who knows when I am going to be.
Then on Sunday John and I decide to go to the mall for a bit and walk around - big mistake - it must of been Halloween day or something because there were a ton of kids all dressed up in their costumes and they go to each store and get candy. It was too much for me and we left - but before we left - I saw the cutest family - they had three children - I would say they were probably about 6, 4, and 2 and they had theme costumes - one was the popcorn, one was the soda and the baby was the movie ticket - it was the cutest thing ever. Oh and I went into Rave and I looked around for a minute and said to John that I was too old for this store now - and he said - yeah you are too big for it too - I could not believe he said that -- he got the evil eye from me - not cool babe - not cool.
Then Sat night we went to our friends house to watch the Phillies game. My friend told me she had something for me - I got all excited - then she hands me a baby book - really??? I know that she meant well and she saw it and thought of me - but come on - I am not even pregnant yet - and who knows when I am going to be.
Then on Sunday John and I decide to go to the mall for a bit and walk around - big mistake - it must of been Halloween day or something because there were a ton of kids all dressed up in their costumes and they go to each store and get candy. It was too much for me and we left - but before we left - I saw the cutest family - they had three children - I would say they were probably about 6, 4, and 2 and they had theme costumes - one was the popcorn, one was the soda and the baby was the movie ticket - it was the cutest thing ever. Oh and I went into Rave and I looked around for a minute and said to John that I was too old for this store now - and he said - yeah you are too big for it too - I could not believe he said that -- he got the evil eye from me - not cool babe - not cool.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Am I making the right decisions
Infertility is hard - especially when it comes to all the decisions that you have to make - should I do treatments, should I have surgery, should I get a second opinion - the longer we are on this path the more decisions that have to be made. Then once the decision is made I question myself - was it the right decision - maybe I made the wrong decision. It goes around and around.
I hope that I am making the right decision with my treatment because I do not want to have any regrets if god forbid we were to come out of this whole TTTC process with no child. I want to be able to say that we did everything in our power to have a child and used all of our options.
I think the best thing I have done so far is get a second opinion - I like my new RE way better than my old RE.
Now the big decision that is weighing on me is the Lap Surgery - I decided to have it - even though every other test shows not a single problem with me - but some women on the nest said even if you show no problems - there still may be problems and the lap surgery is the best way to make sure 100% that everything is okay in there. But I am going to be pissed if I go through surgery adn recovery and they do not find anything but at the same time if I did not have the surgery I would always question what if there is really something wrong with me that they just have not found yet.
I do want to give us the best chance as we most likely head into IVF - because we only have one shot at it and I do not want to have any regrets. But I am scared - I am so scared to have surgery and I am pissed that I have to do this - I wish so much sometimes that I could just be normal - have sex with my husband and get pregnant - but that is a whole world I do not know and probably will never know. I just wish I knew what the future held for us - if it included a baby or babies.
I hope that I am making the right decision with my treatment because I do not want to have any regrets if god forbid we were to come out of this whole TTTC process with no child. I want to be able to say that we did everything in our power to have a child and used all of our options.
I think the best thing I have done so far is get a second opinion - I like my new RE way better than my old RE.
Now the big decision that is weighing on me is the Lap Surgery - I decided to have it - even though every other test shows not a single problem with me - but some women on the nest said even if you show no problems - there still may be problems and the lap surgery is the best way to make sure 100% that everything is okay in there. But I am going to be pissed if I go through surgery adn recovery and they do not find anything but at the same time if I did not have the surgery I would always question what if there is really something wrong with me that they just have not found yet.
I do want to give us the best chance as we most likely head into IVF - because we only have one shot at it and I do not want to have any regrets. But I am scared - I am so scared to have surgery and I am pissed that I have to do this - I wish so much sometimes that I could just be normal - have sex with my husband and get pregnant - but that is a whole world I do not know and probably will never know. I just wish I knew what the future held for us - if it included a baby or babies.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Things that make me happy
I talked to my brother yesterday and before we hung up he told me he loves me - that is so nice to hear - especially coming from a 25 year old man - who does not say it very often.
I am happy I have a car that runs well - my old car was a 1983 Chevy and it ran horribly expecially started this time of year when it is cold in the morning and before that car I had to take the bus and wait out in the cold for it - so I am so happy I have a car.
I love fall - I was driving home yesterday and I was at a red light and it was a beautiful sunny day - not a cloud in the sky and then the wind blew and all of these beautiful leaves started coming down from the tress - it was magical - I am such a dork.
Every morning I go to get coffee from this local coffee shop and the coffee is the best in town - better than Starbucks and they know my name - they are always so warm and welcoming - it is a nice way to start the day.
My DH told me this weekend that he knows no matter what he does that I will always be there for him - I told him he better not do anything bad - but it is nice to know that he feels that way about me because the truth is I will be there for him no matter what.
I have a few strong feeling that Dh surgery is going to work and that it is going to improve his numbers and that we are going to get pregnant soon.
I am happy I have a car that runs well - my old car was a 1983 Chevy and it ran horribly expecially started this time of year when it is cold in the morning and before that car I had to take the bus and wait out in the cold for it - so I am so happy I have a car.
I love fall - I was driving home yesterday and I was at a red light and it was a beautiful sunny day - not a cloud in the sky and then the wind blew and all of these beautiful leaves started coming down from the tress - it was magical - I am such a dork.
Every morning I go to get coffee from this local coffee shop and the coffee is the best in town - better than Starbucks and they know my name - they are always so warm and welcoming - it is a nice way to start the day.
My DH told me this weekend that he knows no matter what he does that I will always be there for him - I told him he better not do anything bad - but it is nice to know that he feels that way about me because the truth is I will be there for him no matter what.
I have a few strong feeling that Dh surgery is going to work and that it is going to improve his numbers and that we are going to get pregnant soon.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Visited St. Gianna's shrine yesterday
The shrine near Philadelphia is for St. Gianna Beretta Molla, who was canonized May 16, 2004.
St. Gianna was a married woman who also was a medical doctor.
A native of Magenta, Italy, she didn't charge those who were unable to pay for her services and even tucked money in the health cards of senior citizens, which they found after leaving her office.
St. Gianna had given birth to three children when, in 1961, she became pregnant with her fourth child.
Two months into her pregnancy, St. Gianna was diagnosed with a uterine tumor.
As a surgeon, she knew the only sure way of saving her life was to remove the uterus. This was out of the question, however, as it would end the life of her unborn child, even though it likely would save her own.
Instead, she opted to have only the tumor removed, allowing her pregnancy to continue.
A few days before her child was to be born, she told her husband: "If you must decide between me and the child, do not hesitate: Choose the child. I insist on it. Save the baby."
The next day, a 10-pound baby girl named Gianna Emanuela was born via Caesarean section. A few hours after giving birth, mother Gianna began to experience severe pains because of septic peritonitis. A week later, on April 28, 1962, she died at age 39.
St. Gianna's husband and four children are still alive and attended her canonization.
Her husband, Pietro Molla, said St. Gianna was no stick in the mud and was one who knew how to appreciate life.
"She truly knew how to enjoy to the fullest the enchantment of the mountains and their snows, trips to concerts, the theater and feasts," he said. "Gianna, you have showed me that you can accomplish to the fullest the will of God and become a saint without renouncing the fullness of the purest and best joys which life and creation offer us."
Some of St. Gianna's relics include three pairs of gloves she once wore.
Many people, have experienced healing by touching the gloves. Some women who have had trouble conceiving reported they became pregnant.
Answered prayers also have been attributed to St. Gianna, including a story of a woman who hadn't heard from her son in 16 years. After touching St. Gianna's gloves, she reported that her son called her from New Mexico within a few days.
St. Gianna's feast day is April 28. Her shrine can be seen at the Nativity of Our Lord Catholic Church in Warminster, Pa.
Me, My MIL and my SIL drove about an hour yesterday to see the shrine and pray before it and I was able to touch the gloves and hold them to my stomach.
St. Gianna was a married woman who also was a medical doctor.
A native of Magenta, Italy, she didn't charge those who were unable to pay for her services and even tucked money in the health cards of senior citizens, which they found after leaving her office.
St. Gianna had given birth to three children when, in 1961, she became pregnant with her fourth child.
Two months into her pregnancy, St. Gianna was diagnosed with a uterine tumor.
As a surgeon, she knew the only sure way of saving her life was to remove the uterus. This was out of the question, however, as it would end the life of her unborn child, even though it likely would save her own.
Instead, she opted to have only the tumor removed, allowing her pregnancy to continue.
A few days before her child was to be born, she told her husband: "If you must decide between me and the child, do not hesitate: Choose the child. I insist on it. Save the baby."
The next day, a 10-pound baby girl named Gianna Emanuela was born via Caesarean section. A few hours after giving birth, mother Gianna began to experience severe pains because of septic peritonitis. A week later, on April 28, 1962, she died at age 39.
St. Gianna's husband and four children are still alive and attended her canonization.
Her husband, Pietro Molla, said St. Gianna was no stick in the mud and was one who knew how to appreciate life.
"She truly knew how to enjoy to the fullest the enchantment of the mountains and their snows, trips to concerts, the theater and feasts," he said. "Gianna, you have showed me that you can accomplish to the fullest the will of God and become a saint without renouncing the fullness of the purest and best joys which life and creation offer us."
Some of St. Gianna's relics include three pairs of gloves she once wore.
Many people, have experienced healing by touching the gloves. Some women who have had trouble conceiving reported they became pregnant.
Answered prayers also have been attributed to St. Gianna, including a story of a woman who hadn't heard from her son in 16 years. After touching St. Gianna's gloves, she reported that her son called her from New Mexico within a few days.
St. Gianna's feast day is April 28. Her shrine can be seen at the Nativity of Our Lord Catholic Church in Warminster, Pa.
Me, My MIL and my SIL drove about an hour yesterday to see the shrine and pray before it and I was able to touch the gloves and hold them to my stomach.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Got the Call - Finally
She never called yesterday but she finally called this afternoon and I now have a date for the Lap Surgery. It is going to be Tues. December 16, 2008 - which gives me plenty of time to recover before Christmas. I hope it goes well. At least it is taken care of now. I think I will make an appointment with the RE prior to the surgery just to go over everything.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Waiting for the call
So I was a big girl yesterday and I called and set up my Lap Surgery - he was pretty booked - so they could only see me on November 18th - so I said okay. Then after I got off the phone I realized that the Madonna concert that I have tickets too and that I am so excited to go to is November 20th - there is no way I can go to a concert two days after surgery. So after asking for everyone's advice - including the girls on the nest - I decided that I do not want TTC to interfer with this - it runis so many aspect of my life and I want to go to this concert - I spent good money for the tickets and they are box seat and it is also my present to my cousin Ricky who I am taking with me. So I called the lady back today and left a message to try and change the surgery date - maybe they can do it a few days after the concert or maybe in the beginning of December - John said whatever I decide and whatever date I picked - that he will support me - even if we miss Thanksgiving or some Christmas things. I am still waiting for her to call me back - I hope I get good news and they can switch it and it will not interfer with the holidays - IF is such a pain in the ass.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Back to Normal
John and I went to Linvilla on Sat - and boy was it crowded. We picked out pumpkins and I got a few Halloween decorations for the yard and we got some pies - it was such a great day, nice weather and time spent with my hubby. John said to me that he was surprised that I wanted to go to Linvilla - being that there is tons and tons of families there - with little kids and babies and pregnant women - everywhere. Just for that reason we did not go last year. But I am tired of not doing things because of our infertility - I am tired of seeing pregnant women and getting upset - so I figured I would give this a shot - go and see how I do - if it hurts as much. Well I am happy to report that I was okay - it was fun - I just focused on having a nice time with my hubby and did not pay too much attention to all the cute babies around me - oh course there was a few cute little ones that I had to look at - but I felt pretty normal - for once in the past two years I did not let infertility affect my good time.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
A Poem
This is a poem about infertility that my cousin sent to me.
I sit here and wonder Is it ever to be?
Will I get to display The mother in me?
Wonder in time How the story will end,
Will they just be for others-
The showers I attend.
When’s it my turn I ask God each day,
The only answer I get Is, “Not today”.
I ask only to know What my future might be,
To plan and prepare God, please tell me.
I just need to know How long to be strong,
For sometimes I question my strength to go on.
I sit here and wonder Is it ever to be?
Will I get to display The mother in me?
I sit here and wonder Is it ever to be?
Will I get to display The mother in me?
Wonder in time How the story will end,
Will they just be for others-
The showers I attend.
When’s it my turn I ask God each day,
The only answer I get Is, “Not today”.
I ask only to know What my future might be,
To plan and prepare God, please tell me.
I just need to know How long to be strong,
For sometimes I question my strength to go on.
I sit here and wonder Is it ever to be?
Will I get to display The mother in me?
Friday, October 10, 2008
Weekend
John is super sweet - yesterday he just showed up at my office and took me out to lunch - we have been in this new office for 2 years now and he has never seen it - so it was nice to show him around and then have a nice lunch with him and then we walked around town a bit - I was totally surprised.
We are going to dinner tonight with friends- one of the best places to eat in our town has been closed down for two months for renovations - but it is now back open and we are going there tonight for dinner - I cannot wait - I already know what I am going to get.
We are going to go pick pumpkins tomorrow and get some mums for the front yard - it should be fun - I love fall.
My neighbor is also having a fall craft sale this weekend - I always love to go and pick up a few things - she always has such cute things.
That is all the plans I have for the weekend so far.
We are going to dinner tonight with friends- one of the best places to eat in our town has been closed down for two months for renovations - but it is now back open and we are going there tonight for dinner - I cannot wait - I already know what I am going to get.
We are going to go pick pumpkins tomorrow and get some mums for the front yard - it should be fun - I love fall.
My neighbor is also having a fall craft sale this weekend - I always love to go and pick up a few things - she always has such cute things.
That is all the plans I have for the weekend so far.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
On a break
So we are on a break from TTC so there is nothing much to report there - it is CD 10 and we will be trying on our own this month. I will have the Lap Surgery next month - if I can ever get my butt in gear and make the call - I am being a baby about it because I am scared and nervous to have surgery. John is doing a bit better - still pretty sore but that is only because he has to work so hard. He will go back from a follow up appointment next Tues.
I am enjoying my break so far - no more bloating is my favorite part - I did back to back treatment cycles for the past three months and I felt like the bloating never went away - but now it is gone. I have been working out too - which I love - I am down 7 pounds - but I had already lose 5 pound in the past two months and this month 2 more pounds so far - I went from 142 - my heaviest to 135 I am going to try to get down to 130 before going back to treatment in Jan. At least now I can work out.
I am also able to have a glass of wine here and there with dinner and that has been nice. I am enjoying my friends and family and just taking it one day at a time. Yes, I still think about having a baby all of the time and I still am on the TTC Nest board everyday - but I am happier now and hopeful for our future family.
I am enjoying my break so far - no more bloating is my favorite part - I did back to back treatment cycles for the past three months and I felt like the bloating never went away - but now it is gone. I have been working out too - which I love - I am down 7 pounds - but I had already lose 5 pound in the past two months and this month 2 more pounds so far - I went from 142 - my heaviest to 135 I am going to try to get down to 130 before going back to treatment in Jan. At least now I can work out.
I am also able to have a glass of wine here and there with dinner and that has been nice. I am enjoying my friends and family and just taking it one day at a time. Yes, I still think about having a baby all of the time and I still am on the TTC Nest board everyday - but I am happier now and hopeful for our future family.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Photos From the Summer
Johnny in the Pool
Me, My SIL and my friend Joanne
Me and my best friend at a wedding a few weeks agoFriday, October 3, 2008
I am a pregnancy physic now
Yep that right. See what happen was I was looking at some photos on facebook of a wedding that we did not attend and I saw one of DH's cousin sitting at a table and I said to myself she is totally pregnant - we are so what close - so I e-mailed her just asking her how everything was and she e-mailed me back and said she was pregnant with her 3rd child and due in April. She is only a year older then me and on number 3. Now that makes two family memebers due in April - Christmas should be fun - anyway I am a bit sad because she knows all about our IF and she told me this summer that she wanted another baby but she was going to wait until the new year to start trying so that hopefully I would be pregnant by then and we could have our children grow up together - I know I am being silly - I cannot expect people to wait for me because I may never be pregnant - it just hurts a little - because I want to be them so badly - I want to make my own pregnancy announcement. It seems to be getting harder and harder for me to deal with pregnancy announcements.
Today also marked a very sad anniversary for me - My mother passed away 8 years ago today. I miss her so much - everyday - she was a wonderful mother and person.
Today also marked a very sad anniversary for me - My mother passed away 8 years ago today. I miss her so much - everyday - she was a wonderful mother and person.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
New Layout
Yay - I got a new layout and I love it - now if I could just figure out how to put a nice header on with a picture or something - if anyone know how to do this or what website to go to please leave me a comment - I do not have photoshop so I cannot do it myself.
Surgery Update
John went back to work yesterday and it did not go so well. He was in alot of pain when he got home. He asked if I would buy him tighter underwear for better support - so I will go after work and get them in a smaller size and he is going to stop at the Urologist office on his lunch break and get a doctors note saying he has to be on light duty for the next two weeks. I guess he is going to have to break down and tell his boss he has surgery - I told him to be vague - the does not need to know all of the details - just that he cannot lift anything over 10 pounds. I hope it is not a problem and that John is not in as much pain today as he was yesterday.
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