One day at a time

I am getting myself so overwhelmed - I have a hard time just taking it one day at a time - but with so much going on - it is really what I need to do. For right now I am just going to think about Thanksgiving weekend.

I plan on waking up and watching the parade and then watching "It's A Wonderful Life".

When I was a child they use to play this movie right after the parade on Thanksgiving and I would watch it every year - but they have the dog show on now after the parade - so I bought the DVD of the movie and I watch it every year after the parade like I did when I was younger. It is my favorite movie.

Then John and I are going to try and tackle the leaves in the front yard and cut the grass in preparation for all the Christmas decorations we are going to put up this weekend. It usually takes me two day - one day for the outside and one day for the inside. So - Friday will be the cleaning of the house day - again - in preparation for the indoor decorations and then Sat I will put up all the decorations indoors and Sunday John and I will put them all up outdoors.

Tonight - I am going to Target to try and finish up my Christmas shopping.

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

Family Problems

I am having some family problems - see I just found out the my husband's big family polyanna is on Dec. 20th - which is only four days after my surgery - so I decided not to go - it is too crowded there and I would have to get dressed up and I am sure I will not feel up to do that - plus it goes on and on we usually do not get home until about 2 am. John was fine with it. I told him he should go anyway - since it is his family and he always enjoys it.

But now I am starting to get some backlash. I knew this was going to happen. I told John's cousin that I was not going to the pollyanna and she does not understand why I am not going - even though I told her about the surgery. Then I told her we probably would not be going to her house for New Years (we usually go to their house for New Years)- see her husband and my husband always have to hang out on New Years - but they are having a party at their house and it is going to be a bunch of little kids there and I cannot deal. There is going to be two very pregnant women and about 6 or 7 children under the age of 5 - that would be pure touture for me. So I told her we would not be attending her party this year and she told me that I was breaking tradition. Thanks for making me feel guilty.

Then I told John's sister about not going to the pollyanna and she said that I better still let John go. Thanks for the threat. When I told John what day it was - he said he was not going and I said - oh no - you have to go because they will think I made you stay home with me. It is alreay going to be bad enough - knowing his family they will probably all think we are getting a divorce or something crazy like that - just because I did not show up - John will never tell them the real reason I am not there - it is too complicated.

This is a mess - why can't people understand that it is hard for me to be in these situations and just understand. I am trying - I am going to have Christmas dinner and I am going to the baby shower two days after Christmas - isn't that enough - 2 out of 4 events - I am trying here. I am also decorating and getting a tree and sending out Christmas cards and going to my inlaws for Thanksgiving - isn't that enough. Why do people, i.e. his family only focus on what I will not be attending - and I even have a good reason - hello - I will of just had surgery. Give me a break.

So now the plan is that John is going to go with his sister to the pollyanna - she is going to drive him there and bring him home. My cousin is going to stay with me that night so I am not alone - I guess we are just going to hang out and watch movies.

As for New Years - we were invited to another party - adults only - a ball type of thing - we may go to that instead.

I guess I cannot make everyone happy - I just have to accept that.

Madonna was great

We had a wonderful time - it was alot different than last time because this time our box was full - last time it was just me and my cousin - but it was still such a fun night. We had VIP parking so we were so close to the building - which was good because it was so cold. She came on an hour and a half late but it was so worth it - it was the best concert of hers that I have ever been too - she looked great and her voice was even very good. I had a good time.

On Friday we had our first bit of snow where I live and apparently that makes people become crazy drivers. They were acting like it was a blizzard out there - we only got like an inch or two but of course the brunt of it was during rush hour - it took me 2 1/2 hours to get to work - I am not kidding - I could not believe it - people were driving like 2 miles an hour - it was all backed up. I did not even realize we were going to have snow. It was the longer time I was ever suck in traffic - in my whole life and I have driven to North Carolina three times and never have been in such bad traffic.

This weekend I got so much Christmas shopping done. I am almost finished - then I got some wrapping paper and wrapped all the presents I have so far and then last night I wrote out all my Christmas cards - all 40 of them. I am glad I got so much done - next weekend we will put up all the Christmas decorations. I always loved decorating for Christmas - my mom always made a big deal of it when I was a kid - always made it so special - we would listen to Christmas music and make a whole day out of it. John will help me with the outdoor ones. I bought alot of outdoor decorations at the end of the season last year - so I do not even know what I have. But I am excited to get all my new things up.

The Good and The Bad

The Good:

I am going to the Madonna concert tonight!!!!! I am so excited - every time she does a tour - which is usually every two years - me and my cousin always go. We have box seats - once you go box seats you will never go back - they are so nice -you have your own tv and couch and a bar and the most important thing is that you have your own bathroom - so you do not have to wait in line forever and miss some of the concert - which has happened to me. I am one of those girls who goes to the bathroom alot when I am out. I have heard that her concert is pretty good this year. We have had the tickets for months - I cannot believe it is finally here - yay!

The Bad:

I got a call from the RE office yesterday. To be honest - I have been in denialville about the whole Lap Surgery. I have been pretending that it was not really going to happen. That by some miracle I was going to get pregnant this month and not have to worry about it. The break has been so nice - a full two months off - with no appointments or medicine or anything - it was lovely but now I have to come back into reality because they called yesterday to get all my paperwork set up and ready for the surgery. I have to call next week when I get my period and come in for a meeting to go over everything. I guess it is really happening - I guess I cannot pretend anymore - I did like living in denialville though. I am scared - I really do not want to do this and I wish all of this IF crap was over - how much more do I have to go through to get my baby. I know alot of women have been through way more than me but I am not as strong as them - I just want this part of my life to be over already.

Looking forward to a baby shower??

I am - I got the invitation yesterday - it is one of DH's cousin which I truly care for and I am happy that she is pregnant - they are even one of the couples who said they wanted to start trying for a family and got pregnant right away - usually I am very jealous of those people - but not her.

I decided to go all out for her. I got her two things off of her registry - a bundle me and a bundle me hat - which looks so cute - I would not know because I brought it online - I can barely go into a target with all of the pregnant women and babies - there is no way I could go into a babies r us. It will cost me more in shipping but it is worth it to me. I honestly think if I was to step foot in a babies r us - I would breakdown.

Then I decided to get her the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD - they have a combo pack on Amazon.com and it is a miracle blanket and the dvd together - I have heard wonderful things about the mircale blanket too - so I decided to get the combo for her. I think she will be happy.

The only thing is that the shower is two days after Christmas - that is going to be hard to handle - but the good lord keeps giving me these challenges - so obviously he think I can handle it. I hope I can. Infertility and baby showers do not mix very well.

Mu Nieces

I just got some pictures from my brother of my nieces. I have not gotten pictures in 3 months and I cannot believe how big they are getting - I miss them so much - I hope I can see them soon.

Everything Happens for a Reason

I have a women that I work with and her mother is dying - it is so sad - this women is about 44 and her mother is 76 - she lived a good life but it is still so sad to lose your mother at any age and I was thinking about the loss of my mother and how in some ways I was lucky it happened when I was so young because I did not have a clue. I did not even know that hospice was the last step and it meant that you were dying. My mom's friends had to sit me down to tell me she was not going to make it - because my mom kept telling me she was going to be okay and I believed her. I truley believe everything happens for a reason and I know alot of people hate that saying but in my life I have found it to be so true and even with my infertility I know there must be a reason this happening to me. It is hard when you are in the middle of a situation - but after it is over and you have a chance to look back upon it then you realize why it has happened.

Family is so Important

If I did not have my husband I would not have anyone. John took off 4 days for my surgery and recovery - he has the time left and he put it on the board in plenty of time - but his boss just told him yesterday that he really needs him to work that week - John is going to have to tell him why he is taking off - he cannot go into work - I need him. It got me thinking - what if he did have to go into work - what would I do. I honestly do not have anyone else - having no family sucks big time. My brother is 500 miles away and that is the only family I have - I have no one to depend on - if John was not there to take care of me - I would have no one who I could call who would be willing to take off from work and miss a day of pay to take care of me. If you have your Mom and Dad, Aunt and Uncles, Grandparents, silblings, cousins, etc around you and they are alive and well be so very thankful. People take this for granted all of the time - I know I would too if they were in my life and I never had to think about it - but not having my mom around is the hardest - you do not realize how important all of these family members are until they are gone. This is why I am trying so hard to have children - family is so important.

Other note - I must of gotten some kind of stomach bug or something - my belly has been upset since Saturday and I do not know what is wrong. Any time I eat anything I get sick - I am not liking this - because I am hungry - I guess I will be getting soup for lunch.

My Photos so far

So Tell Me what you think - I am just starting out but I love it.

Hobbies

I have not written because I do not have much going on right now. I attached a recent picture of my and my hubby. Look at my fat face. Ughh - I have been working out every single day - doing the 30 day Shred with Jillian Michaels and I have been eating better - no junk food for me and I am still not losing weight. I hope the pounds start coming off soon.

As far as TTC goes - we are trying on our own again this month and hoping and praying for some kind of miracle so that I do not have to have surgery next month. I am trying not to think about the surgery because I do not want to freak myself out and it is still more than a month away.

I do want to rant about Private Practice last night - I watch this show and I do like it because it is about a Fertility Clinic - BUT - they showed a egg retrieval last night and the girl was awake and all happy saying - look they got my eggs - it just does not work like that and it makes me upset - because they make it look so easy and it is not that easy and how the general public is going to think it is no big deal - I hate how tv plays down infertility and infertility treatments.

I decided that I need more hobbies in my life. I am taking up two new hobbies.

One is cooking. I am not a very good cook at all - if it comes in a box - I make it and that is about as far as my cooking abilities go - but now this money being so tight and Christmas coming up I have been cooking alot more and going out to eat alot less. So both me and John are getting sick of the same few meals I know how to make - anyway - I decided I am going to try and start to branch out in the dinner area. I have already downloaded a bunch of new recipes and I have two lined up for next week. One is a sheppard's pie - which John loves and the other is meatballs - I know it sounds simple - but I never have made meatballs - like I said - bad cook. Tonight I am going to try a spin on breaded pork chops by adding BBQ sauce to it - we will see how that goes and the best thing of all is that John is supporting me 100% - he said he would eat anything I made - he is so sweet.

My second hobby that I want to take up is photography. I love trees - and this time of year they are so beautiful and I keep passing by them on my drive home and saying - that would make a good picture or that one would make a good picture - I think I want to start taking pictures and seeing how I do - I also talked to John about maybe buying the photoshop software - we will see.

I have to keep myself busy - so I do not get depressed about not be able to have a baby - espeically this time of year with the holidays coming up - it makes it hard.

What happen to manners??

So we gave out Halloween candy on Friday night - we had a good bit of children - I would say about 50 to 60 kids. But not a single one of them had any manners. No one said trick or treat - no one said thank you. I almost did not want to give them the candy - all they did was hold their bags open - they did not say anything to us.

It even goes one step further - I had the big bowl of candy in my lap and me and Dh were sitting on our porch - well I would hand the kids the candy - usually I would give two pieces and then I had not one - not two but three different children reach in my bowl and take candy out after I had already given them candy. One of the kids who did this was a 3 year old little girl - dressed in a princess costume no less. I could not believe it - she put her hand in the bowl and yelled - I liked m&m's - her mother was standing right there - I was so shocked I just looked at the mom and she did not say a single thing to me or the child - they just turned around and walked away -I could not believe it.

Then the parents were not any better - they would come up to the house with their children and not say nothing to me and my husband - no hello - no Happy Halloween - nothing - no wonder their children are so bad - look at the parents - they have no manners either - I am sitting here giving your child candy and you cannot even say hello to me or Happy Halloween or anything.

I was very disappointment and we went in about 8 pm because I had had enough.