I am having alot of mixed emotions right now. I am feeling better physically- still not 100% but better - I am taking to a counseler so I think that may be helping as well but my feelings are just so all over the place.
My SIL is due in a week and I went over there yesterday and saw her nursery done all up and it made me sad and she showed me the coming home outifit and it made me sad. Then she told me she was thinking about naming the baby Colin which made me mad - everyone knows my baby boy names are Carter Christopher and Colin John - she wants to name her baby Colin Christopher.
Now that I am feeling better I am thinking about TTC again - but I do not want to go through the whole process again - I just want a baby - I am scared to try again - I am scared about miscarrying again. I am not sure if I am ready emotionally yet to go through more treatments.
I am also said because September marked 4 years since we started actively TTC - 4 Fing years - I cannot believe it. October marks one year since we started IVF - which also means we have to shell out another $ 750.00 for storage of our embryos.
Tomorrow is my 29th birthday - I am not where I thought I would be when I turned 29. But maybe I need to start realizing that I do not have much control over the baby situation and when it is mean to be it will be. I guess.
11 comments:
I am right where you are. My b-day is Friday and I am not where I thought I would be at 28. September marks our 6th year of TTC. My SIL Is pregnant with #2, she took our girl's name for #1 and will be using our boy name for #2. Names she knows we wanted to use. I am glad you are feeling better. I hope you continue to be on the mend. I also pray you can find hope in TTC again.
(((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry that you are feeling sad. It's not easy being around those things that trigger that emotion.
I am happy that you are feeling better physically. I pray that you will continue to get better and that you will know when it's time for you TTC again. ((Hugs))
It sucks that you have so much going on right now to work against you being happy.
And the name thing from your SIL?? I don't know how you kept your mouth shut.
I hate this, I want to fix it so bad for you. Lots of T&P.
Ack!! When we were trying to get pregant (and it wasn't happening) I had told a friend at work we wanted to name our daughter Natalie. I of course wasn't getting pregnant and she did. They had a daughter. The day she had the baby my work sent out an email and what do you think they named the baby? Yep...Natalie. I couldn't beleive it.
I also know what you mean about not being where you wanted to be at a certain age. I always thought I would have kids in my twentys. Did IVF when we were 30 and had Cassie at 31.
Hang in there girl. I'm thinking of you. Glad your starting to feel better also.
Sorry Jackie! Give yourself time to heal physically & emotionally. Be kind to yourself. Don't feel badly for being sad or angry - it is what it is!
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Alison
I know exactly how you feel - my DH and I have been TTC for 6 years. IVF #1 resulted in a miscarriage and IVF #2 resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I hope that you feel better soon. HUGS!!!
Happy Birthday Jackie! I hope this year brings you the things you want and deserve.
I can't believe your SIL took your name of the thousands of names available to her. It just hurts. One of Pete's friends took "our"name and it's hard to be around her now. It just hurts.
I hope you are able to figure out what makes sense for you soon. Many hugs to you. And if you do cycle in Oct, we'd be together! :)
new to your blog. found you through tabitha.
i am sorry. i hate to say it but i understand completely.
x
Jackie,
I hate this journey and the sadness that it brings. I truly believe that we never get over it, we just learn to live with the pain.
You are always in my thoughts and I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling a tiny bit better. Just know we are all here for you and we love you and we support you no matter what.
Thinking of you.
♥ Tarah
I had a m/c at 11 weeks to and it was devastating. You work that hard to TTC and then its gone!?!? so hard! I have a beautiful little girl now and I hope and pray you get the same! I love following your story!
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