I went to therapy twice now and I have decided I am not going back - I am not necessarily done all together but I am done with the counselor I am currently seeing. I know my marriage is not the best marriage in the world and we have had alot of problems since our miscarriage. I will not lie things have not been easy - but she basically said I should leave him - in two sessions she came to the conclusion that I should leave the man I have been with for 10 years. I think people nowadays get divorced to easily and I know we are not the average couple - hell we have been through more crap then most people will ever go through in their entire lives but we still love each other and that has to count for something.
I think I am going to try and find a marriage counselor and see if there is someway I can get John to go - even if it is just for a couple of sessions. I have said how I feel and he has made changes that I have asked him to make but I think we are both still depressed and marriage counseling will help. I still have not ruled out a FET in August - but I am just going to wait and see how it plays out.
11 comments:
Are you kidding?? Absolutely you are doing the right thing by leaving this counselor. Marriage counseling should definitely be pursued, in my opinion, before just walking away. I am SO incredibly sorry you are having such a tough time. My heart aches for you. ((hugs))
Jackie, you are so strong!! Good for you for sticking up for your marriage, I am in shock that she would suggest that after meeting you twice!! I will say a prayer that God open J's heart to counseling and guidance for you both in deciding about the FET.
No one should tell you to leave your husband, that is wrong! You went for counselling, not to be told to leave your husband. You are right not to go back to her.
Marriage councelling sounds good. It is not a suprise you are both having a hard time and men and women deal with things differently. Marriage councelling may help you both.
Hope it does
x
WOW...I thought they were supposed to help you get through things. Not give up! I agree with you on many levels. You have been through so much. You two are bound to have problems and issues.
I also agree that divorce is way too common these days and it seems like the easy way out. Marriage is not easy. It is not a fairytale. It is something that you have to work on every day. But it is worth it and I am so happy you feel your marriage is worth it too.
I can't believe that counselor is even in practice. My jaw dropped when I read this. I can only imagine what "help" she is to others... ;~; Good for you for leaving.
Unbeleivable that the counselor told you to leave your husband. Umm...everyone has fights and tough times in marriage, that doesn't mean you up and divorce. That was her great advice? Wow. Good for you in leaving her. Do you have a pastor that you could meet for marriage counseling? Hang in there.
As a counselor, I have to tell you I am appalled by that behavior. I would never even tell someone to divorce someone. The ONLY reason I may tell someone to seperate (not divorce!) if they were in danger- i/e being hit, threatened to be killed, etc... But, that is clearly not your situation.
I do think Marriage counseling could be beneficial, if that is where some of the issues seem to be concentrated. I am so sorry of your bad experience. Bad therapists make me upset!
So sorry this is a tough time for you. I hope your hubby opens his heart a bit to counseling.
Like everyone else, I'm shocked she would tell you to leave your husband! Where did she get her education/training from??!!
I think marriage counseling will be good for both of you together. I agree with you, people are too quick to divorce and walk away instead of sticking it out and fight to stay together thru the storm. Good luck with it!
That is crazy! I can't believe she said that. Definitely run, don't walk, to a new counselor ASAP. Good luck with finding someone much better :)
Jackie,
I'm really sorry you were given such poor advice from the marital counselor. You don't just tell a patient to walk away after 2 sessions. Please, please find a different person, one who is better qualified to help you and your husband get through this very difficult period, whatever the outcome. You two have been through a lot, so much pain and loss and a well-qualified counselor with whom you feel comfortable and safe can make all the difference. You went to counseling to explore you options, to sort out feelings, to find ways to grieve your losses, not to be told what to do.
I went through 2 therapists before finding someone I was comfortable with and that has made all the difference for me.
Molly
That is nuts Jackie! I wonder how many women she has convinced to leave their husbands. I hope you find a better fit next time.
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