Our original plan was to do a FET at the end of July/beginning of August - I figured that was the perfect time because it gave us a nice long break - I can enjoy the summer and then once our due date had pasted we can start again - fresh - new - hopeful.
The only thing is I do not feel so hopeful and I am not sure if I want to do a FET in August. Things have not been so great between John and I and I am still grieving over the lost of our first baby.
I am not sure how people do this - to just move on - I feel like I cannot move on - like the baby we lost was the baby we were meant to have - which obviously makes no sense I know and obviously is not true or I would still be pregnant right now.
Also what if it does not work - would I be worse then I am now - more depressed- what if it works and we miscarry again - I know highly unlikely but it can happen.
This is our last chance so I think it is another reason why I want to put it off. If this does not work - I think this is going to be it for us.
I just feel so unsure.
9 comments:
I can't even imagine how you must be feeling...confused, scared, unsure...and I'll be praying for you. As an outsider looking in, I say...FET! Really, what have you got to loose? You've been through a horrible, terrible loss, but you've also seen that you are able to survive. If it happenes again (Which I DON'T think it will!!) You already know what you have to do to deal with it. And of course there's always the VERY real possiblity that it WILL WORK...and then you just may find your purpose and happiness all over again! I'll pray that God gives you guidence and peace for the decision that's right for you, my dear!
I'm sorry things are so tough right now, but you've been through a lot so it's completely understandable and definitely warranted.
Though I haven't experienced a loss like yours, I think you should take as much time to grieve as you need. Grief is not black and white, nor does have a start or stop date. And acceptance is not easy to come by, so don't feel weird or bad that you still have lingering feelings of loss or despair. It's unfortunately very normal.
I know what you mean about not feeling "ready". It think it's paramount that you not move forward until you really feel like you can commit your heart to it, and even be excited about moving forward. Because the prospect of being pregnant should be exciting. So I say wait to see how you feel in July, and try not to put too much emphasis on what date to move forward - it's more important to know WHEN you're ready.
Sorry for rambling. I just hate that you have so much to deal with. HUGS.
If you're unsure, hold off. Your little guys will stay frozen for a long, long time and you need to be ready for this. The grieving process can take time and you and DH need to be on the same page about moving forward. That said, you might be ready come July or August but don't force it just because of some articifial deadline you've got in your head. Is there a practical raeson why summer is better? (are you a teacher or someone who is off work in the summer?) You'll know when it's time to move forward.
i know how you feel. it is such a conflict of desires, to try again and hope for the best, and to guard your heart.
for me the desire won out, but only after a long talk with my husband and my doctor. i am doing a fresh cycle but i really wanted to do a FET because then i would have the embies that were most closely related to my girls. i dont know if that even makes sense, as any baby my husband and i create will be genetically similar, but the idea that they were created at the same time is something that comforted me greatly. i hope this idea will help you.
i am moving on, but i am doing so with a heavy heart and with much more knowledge of the consequences. we are moving on with no expectations but hope in our hearts.
i would want nothing more than our girls back. i ache for them daily. i considered waiting a year, as a tribute to them, but 6 months was what we decided on. i hope you find some peace with whatever decision you make...i know it's hard.
xoxo
All I can say is that your fears are so normal. After our loss I was terrified of TTC again. I felt like there was no way I could deal with the pain of another loss. And I struggled with wanted to stay connected to the baby I had lost. I felt like moving on was saying that I had stopped grieving.
Somehow, someway, you'll find the strength to try again. It only comes with time. But the grief never totally subsides. At 6 months pregnant now, I can tell you that my heart still aches for the one that was lost. Even when you find the strength to move on, you'll never stop grieving that in your heart.
We have miscarried several times and each time we try again a part of me feels like I am being selfish. That I just keep trying regardless of how many babies we lose.
Now as I said above A PART of me feels this way. My whole heart knows that we are meant to be parents. Not sure how, when or what we will have to go through to get there, but I just know it in my heart. That is what keeps me going.
You know how and what you feel. My suggestion is to follow your heart.
Whatever you choose, I will be here with you for support.
oh sweet j, my heart aches for you. We are quite the opposites right now I can't move forward fast enough. I am ready to have this stage of life be a memory in the past. But I also know what you are talking about, the what if's. I don't think I will believe in happiness until that crying baby is in my arms. I can't even picture it anymore.
For some people, it's easier to move on and others take longer to grieve. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I will pray that you will have guidance and comfort in whatever decision you guys decide on. :)
My first instinct is FET, FET, FET!! But, honestly, if you are having a hard time with the decision and if you and your DH are having a hard time, it might not be a bad idea to take some time and work on the emotional part of everything. Of course, I always hated the idea of waiting...Sorry, sweetie.
I tagged you in my blog. Maybe a little distraction will be nice ;) http://to-infertility-and-beyond.blogspot.com/2010/05/picture-tag.html
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