I try not to be jealous - I really do try - but I have been avoiding my sister in law who is pregnant like the plaque - I honestly do not want to see her - I do not think I can handle seeing her - I am suppose to be pregnant right along with her. I am suppose to be 30 weeks pregnant and have a big belly and be complaining that my feet are all swollen.
I am so jealous - I do not want to go to a family party they are having next weekend because I will have to see her and I am actually getting upset over the fact that I have to attend her baby shower in July. I keep trying to tell myself that it is not her fault that I lost my baby and I should be happy for her.
But I cannot - she still lives at home with her parents - is not married and wanted to break up with the boyfriend before she found out she was pregnant - the boyfriend has a crappy job and still lives at home with his parents and she has not even looked into daycare or anything for the baby - so I know she is just going to quit her job - she does not have car and keeps asking my husband to co-sign for her - hell no - what so she can quit her job and we get stuck with the payments.
The thing that pisses me off even worse is my husband is always taking her side - like today when she called me stupid on the phone - I was upset and he said oh it is because she is pregnant I did not realize being pregnant meant you hurt other people's feelings. Then he keeps wanted to get her a car somehow - why - it is not our problem - she is a grown adult and makes her own decisions - it is her own fault she is in the situation she is in and she needs to learn how to deal with it herself.
I just do not understand life at all sometimes - she is in no way shape or form ready for a baby - she can barely take care of herself and we were so ready for a baby and we do not get to have one - I do not get this world at all.
5 comments:
Jackie- I want you to know that I totally understand how you are feeling right now. Right after my miscarriage my SIL got pregnant. She was still living at home, didn't have a great job AND had just got out of rehab. I was furious, distrought, angry with God and her and didn't want anything to do with her. It took me a few months to realize that it wasn't her fault. SHE didn't do this TO me. No one did- its just the way it was. It wasn't healthy for me to have all of that negativity towards her or the baby. I found a way to let it go and be happy for her. Now my niece is almost 1 and she is a doll and my SIL has really suprised me and turned her life around. It is hard! I totally know that. It took me a good 7 mos before I came out of my depression from my miscarriage. You will too!! It takes time honey but you will be ok. I finally had to put ALL of my faith and trust in God and stop being angry at him and blame him. I believe that everything happens for a reason although we don't always understand it. I read your posts all the time and it hurts me to see how you are hurting because I've been there. I really hope that you can find some clarity soon and find a way to be happy. Its a long road but I think what you're feeling is normal. As far as moving onto your FET- it is always going to be scary whether you do it this summer or in 5 years from now. But YOU need to be ready. My dh and I took tha whole summer off last year from even thinking or talking about getting pregnant before we started with and RE and moved onto IUI. Good luck to you and I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in how you are feeling. Keep your chin up sweetie!
I really feel for you. I would be upset with her if I was you.
It's not fair that those who deserve a baby get dealt the shit time and those who are less deserving get it so easy.
Take care x
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. It is hard enough to deal with a m/c on your own, with out having to be reminded about it (and how much you really deserved it) everytime you see a family member. Take care of yourself, and don't feel guilty about being jealous. It is all just part of the process. I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
~Aly
www.infertilityoverachievers.com
I don't know what to say... After reading all those details it's even hard for me not to be jealous.
Hang in there.
I know exactly how you feel. Your post reads like my life and my SIL. I only lasted ten minutes at Easter after she showed up with her baby. My SIL and I shared EDD from my first m/c and she ended up delivering her baby prematurely on the day I had my D&E from my 3rd loss.
I wish I had words of wisdom. I don't. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you're hurting.
(((HUGS)))
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