I am really trying to stay postive - but not for nothing - this year has SUCKED. I lost my little bean on Jan. 7th - D & C Jan. 13th. and from there it has gone downhill.
I thought of leaving my house - seriously thought of leaving him between Feb. and May.
I have been so sick all summer - and just when I thought I was getting better now I am having all these problems with my tongue - apparently it is not thrush like they originally thought it was. I am going to a ears, nose and throat doctor next week.
I am trying to work out now - taking two yoga class a week - and of course I pulled a ton of muscles.
To add icing on this cake - the RE office called me and let me know it has been a year since we started our IVF - I knew they would be calling - I know they want $ 750.00 for the storage of our embyos for another year - but the call still stung alot. I should have a baby now - not be wondering if I will ever get to do a treatment again and if my health will ever get back on track.
I am still on my diet of mostly organic and no processed foods with little sugar - I am so use to it now - I do not think I will ever go back to the way I use to eat - but what is really killing me is I am eating good, exercising and I do not smoke or drink and yet I am still so sick - I am now getting a cold.
Then my mom's 10 year anniversary of her death is coming up on Oct. 3rd. She loved Michael Bolton - and he is on Dancing with the Stars this season - I know she would of loved that. I miss her so much and wish she was here to keep me everything will be okay and everything will work out.
Things are not so great with John either - I am trying but maybe I am being overbearing - I want us to go to couples counseling but I do not think he will be willing to do that.
Right now everything seems so bad - I am just ready for change - I am ready for some good things to start happening.
I thought if I took some good directions in my life - like working out and eating better and seeing a therapist that things would start turning around - but they have not yet - maybe I just have to try harder.
I want a family so badly - but I cannot even think of doing a treatment right now with my health being like this and all I can think if I am this unhealthy now - at 29 - what is it going to be like for me as I get older.
Sorry for the rambling - I just had to get it out.
12 comments:
Things WILL get better my dear, I'm praying so hard for you!!! (p.s., send me an emial Tab2710@aol.com, I want to make sure I send an invite to the correct address!)
XOXOXO
Sorry you are having such a hard time. It is so difficult to make positive changes ans not see any results. Things will get better.
(((HUGS)))
So sorry to hear you are down. I cannot imagine how much stress/pain you are in. Maybe you do need a little break from it all. Could you take a weekend away (from your house, him, work) by yourself?
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. You have been thru so much. I'm thinking of you and praying that things start to turn around.
You have been through so much this year Jackie. I am so sorry you are continuing not to feel well. I am sending many hugs to you...
I am so sorry you are going through so much! Prayers coming your way!
I'm so sorry - you have been through so much in the past year. I hope the new Dr can figure out what is wrong and you are on the road to recovery quickly! And I totally understand about the trouble in your marriage. My DH and I went through rough patches too. Unfortunately I think it just comes with the IF territory. ((hugs))
This year has been a rough one for you, sweetie, but your strength is AMAZING. Things will get better. I wish we knew when, but I do have faith that they will. Praying hard for you.
Oh, girlie, I am so sorry. I wish things were turning up for you. I wish life was not this hard. Sometimes if only we could see into the future then we might could relax in the day to day of waiting. I have been thinking about you this week. Take care and email me anytime~you know where I am!
I understand exactly what you are going through. My husband and I are going into counseling. It has gotten ugly at our house and I'm not even sure what we are fighting about anymore. I keep thinking we are due some good luck too after all we have gone through and we just keep getting crapped on. I also keep thinking yes I should have a baby by now. It is neverending and not fun. I'm sorry you are suffering. If you ever want to talk you can email me at twodogmama@gmail.com. Hang in there.
Infertility seems to be eating a hole in a lot of us right now. I am so very sorry, honey.
I wish I had the right words to make it all better, but I don't.
You're always in my thoughts and if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here for you. You're not alone. Check out a few of my recent blog posts - you're seriously NOT alone.
Love you girl....
♥
Hey Hey,
I stumbled over your blog today and I just had to tell you I'm enjoying your blog. Your awesome. I became a follower and I'm looking forward to keeping up and leaving comments. I hope you will check out both my blogs, and become a follower. I have a button, and I'd like to add you to my blog roll. I hope you have a lovely weekend. God Bless You and Yours
http://diaryofhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/
Infertility Blog: http://ourjourneythrufaith.blogspot.com/
Love,
Jess
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