I am having a really hard time with the thought of putting Colin in daycare. Everytime I think about it I get so upset. I do not know how women do it. We have tried for so long and so hard to have this child who is so very much wanted and for me to just give him to a stranger for 8 hours at day at only 8 weeks old - I just do not think I can do it.
As my readers know I am a planner - I have planned everything so far about this pregnancy and this baby and have been far ahead in the process but one thing I cannot bring myself to do is call the daycares. I have 4 names of in home daycares that I need to call - they were all referred to me by people I know but I just cannot bring myself to do it.
John and I have been talking about it and he would really like if I could stay home with the baby too. But talking about it and actually do it are two seperate things. We totally wiped out our savings account with all of our IVF treatments and medication we had to pay for. So we have no real back up right now.
I have a good job which I love that pays good money and benefits. My heart says to stay home with the baby but my head says who give up a good job in this ecomony??
I am just so confused and lost on what to do - if I quit my job we could make it work - it would be hard but we could make it work - we would just have to cut corners and make sarficies.
All my friends are telling me to stay home - that I do not want to miss all of the first and they know how much I have wanted this child.
I guess I will talk to John more about it and go over our finances and see what we can do - and then maybe talk to my boss about possibily working part time at night and/or on the weekends - not ideal but it would be better than nothing. If there is a will there is a way - right??
11 comments:
First off, I LOVE the new blog look! Super cute!
Second, I work part-time myself with two little ones and it's hard! It works for our family and it's a great blend of both. If that's an option, that's something to consider.
Ultimately, I think you have to do what feels right! As a mom who struggled for her own kids, I know how it is. You will make the right choice and I DO think when there's a will there's a way! Praying for all things to come to pass! :)
If you can at all possibly make it work, I'd say stay at home. It is SO worth it!! I'm NOT saying that you shouldn't go back to work because 'it's wrong' or anything (my mom worked for several years after I was born). But as a stay at home mom... if it's at all possible for your family financially, STAY HOME! It's the best thing ever!!! Especially after infertility. If I keep typing I'll just start rambling on and on about it, so I'll stop :) But I'd say it's worth the sacrifice as long as it doesn't jeopardize you guys financially so much that it's dangerous (you know what I mean).
Maybe start saving all your income now to both a) test living on one income and b) replenish your savings a bit before Baby arrives. ???
I was in your shoes with our first baby. I couldn't even think about daycare without tearing up. I stuck my head in the sand and refused to think about it. My husband, thank goodness, actually ended up having to step up and get us on a couple waiting lists.
I was lucky to be able to stay home for an extended period of time. Would your work allow an extended leave of absence wihtout pay? It could give you an idea of how the finances work and allow you to see more of that precious baby too.
Even at 8 months though, it positively killed me to put my son in day care. The first weeks were awful. But it does get easier. I know that is little comfort now, when you're thinking "I don't WANT it to get easier to be without my baby" I get that. But if it ends up that you can't make being SAHM work, know that life can still be very, very good.
there's more I want to say but this is supposed to be a comment so I'll stop. I wish you all the best. - jen
As someone who works in a daycare - I say stay home if you can. I love working at the daycare and all the people there are good caring people, but it really isn't the ideal situation. It's a good solution if staying home is impossible.
Good luck, I know it is hard. Maybe like the other person said, you can take an extended time off without pay and then go back - like until your son is 1 then go back. Another idea, see if you can do part time since you were doing part time for him before when you were at the old place. Or even if there are things you can do from home where they pay just a little...even silly administrative paperwork things where you go to the office once a week or however often to get what you need, then do it at home while your son naps or at night. It's a hard decision, both SAH and working have their plus and minuses and both are hard to do. I think you can make it work if you have to, you just won't have the cushion of your savings, but there may be ways to build it back up. I've stayed at home while my husband was laid off twice...he is still laid off now, but luckily has a side thing he does and wiht my daughter's therapy I can't really go back to work yet, but I am looking at ways to make a little extra money like selling things on etsy. It can be rough, but there are so many things you can cut out to save money that may seem hard at first, but aren't that bad.
I never left a comment on your blog so this will be the first time ;-)
I can relate to your feelings. After years of infertillity we adopted the most precious little baby boy. Adoption comes with many costs so after staying home for 8 weeks I started working 4 days and so our little one had to go to daycare. I'll tell you, it was awful. Up until a couple of weeks ago I had a hard time with it.
But now that my son is 9 month's I see that it is a very healthy environment there. He learns fast and learns to play and laugh with the other babies. He is really enjoying himself. Staying with mom the whole day can not make up for the fun and learning/sharing times with the other little kids (unless he has many siblings).
We DO make sure that the time we have with our little one we're not busy with cooking, cleaning or gardening. I cook after 7pm when my son is asleep (or take-out), and we have someone to clean our house and someone for the gardening etc. It works really well.
Wish you all the best.
P.s. And don't forget you can still be a very very good mom, although you have a job. :)
Hopefully you guys can discuss it more and figure out a way to stay home. I know not everyone can do it. If you can do it, it really is a blessing to be able to stay home with your little one. I know what you mean about wanting this little one so bad and not wanting to hand him over to strangers...that is a hard thing. I hope things work out for you and you can work out a way to stay home.
Find the book "women leaving the workplace". It may be helpful.
I hope you and your DH are able to find a solution that works best for your family. Is part time an option in your field? Have you asked your employer if you can reduce your hours, do some work at home, job share or something other than working a 40 hour week?
I was feeling the same thing. Being a teacher allowed me to take the remainder of the school year off and the entire summer after my daughter was born in April, but I couldn't imagine leaving her all day. Especially since she was exclusively breast feeding and not taking a bottle!
I started perusing more local jobs (my school was about an hour away). I found and applied for my local school district, for a part time job. I was hired the day after my interview. My commute is now less than 5 minutes and I only have to leave my daughter for 5 hours each day. (Except on Wednesdays, I work a full day).
I also started selling Tastefully Simple (www.tastefullysimple.com/web/jmckeeman) to help supplement my income, since the part time gig cut our take home pay in half. If you would like more information about the business, just let me know. I wish I would have started sooner, so I had more money banked. It has been wonderful. I do as many parties as I want, and usually make about 60-90 dollars per hour (for 2-3 hours of work) each night I do a party.
I don't know how to email you. So I will try to shorten this. When Ian was born, I had no choice but to go back my husband got laid off when he was six weeks old. So I went back he got a job and we were both working. I found someone I loved to come in our home and care for Ian. I was already struggling badly with PPD and leaving Ian with Casey was extremely hard for me. When I had to start leaving him with Cricket, my mental state went even farther. I was driving my self crazy with anxiety, to the point I was almost institutionalized. I now stay home, we made lots of changes to make it work. I guess what I am trying to say is yes money is nice, two incomes are great. Please remember to include how it will effect both you and your husband emotionally.
Post a Comment