Marriage is not an easy thing - add infertility to that and it makes it even harder then add the fact that we cannot afford IVF and we have to save for who knows how long and it makes it even harder.
John and I have been through alot - more than most couples. In our first year together we had to deal with both of my parents deaths and moving in together - but we made it through. But this blow of infertility has really knocked us down.
We are just not in a good place right now. I really feel like he is taking me for granted - and I am sorry if this offends anyone - but this is my blog and my feelings. I must admit - I have to do all the work regarding infertility and there is not a thing wrong with me - that is a hard pill to swallow. I have to take all the medication that makes me crazy and bloated and cranky and I have to do the procedures and take the shots in my stomach - and all John has to do is love a cup.
It is hard to deal with sometimes - and I know that it is not his fault and if the shoe was on the other foot he would do everything that needed to be done as I have - but sometimes I do not think he gets how really hard this is on my and how much I really want a family. He keeps saving if the first IVF does not work then we could live a child free life - but I do not want to live a child free life and I am only 27 and I cannot even think of that right now.
I know we will make it through this rough time - and the break is helping - but if you are praying people please keep us in your prayers.
10 comments:
I'm sorry things are so hard, painful, and difficult right now:(
I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.. its completely normal to feel that way.. I hope things get better for you soon. And I will definitely be keeping you & your dh in my thoughts & prayers.
Hugs,
Hannah
I'm sorry to hear that you and DH are having difficulties. Infertility is such a stressful experience and men and women seem to have different ways of viewing it sometimes.
Hang in there - I am keeping you in my prayers.
You do NOT have to feel guilty about those feelings. It's true! We do have to do way more than they do! It's hard too, because my husband would also be perfectly happy calling it all quits right now. He's willing to do it, but he'd be happier not to do it.
...which leaves me and my reproductively normal body really really frustrated. We had a rough few months after the diagnsis, but now we just are where we are. He's just along for the ride, and I just accept that.
Hang in there. And never feel guilty about sharing your feelings on YOUR blog. ;-)
Jackie,
You and your husband are in my prayers. I can't imagine how hard this has been on the two of you. And I agree with the other comments, don't feel guilty about your feelings. You have gone through so much of course you are going to have these types of thoughts running through your head.
I think men tend to live more in the moment, so if hard times hit they just want to give up everything that is making it that way. But don't give up. You guys will get through this. And if it's really what you want he should understand and be supportive.
I am so sorry you are struggling right now. IF and how we deal with it is so different for men and women. But this IS your blog and the people who read this know how you are feeling. Take care of yourself!
I am sorry about what you are going through, IF is not easy and it can wear down a couple. Hugs & Prayers sent to you :)
www.barrenwomb.com
I think IF gets to even the best of couples at times. Guys just deal with all of this so much differently than we do. It's on our minds all the time and they seem like they never think about it! Try to talk it out when the time is right. Hang in there and I'll pray for the two of you. I hope you don't mind, but I had to giggle at "love in a cup" :)
our clinic allows the husband to be in the OR during the ER of the IVF cycle. i think that was what pushed b over the edge to really understanding what was going on. also...when he started actually giving me some of the shots, he saw the needle, he knew that he was hurting me by giving me an injection...it just took the cycle to a different place.
IF is hard. it's very stressful on a relationship. :( oh, if it could just be easy like it's supposed to be!
I will definetly keep you and your husband in my prayers. (((HUGS))) I hope in the end, this trial makes you both stronger than ever!
Don't feel bad. IF is very difficult, painful, and hard to get through. And it does put stress and strain on a marriage. You and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers. I know you mentioned that you might be going on a trip to Punta Cana. My DH and I are planning a trip to the Outer Banks in NC. My advice to you is enjoy your trip and try to recapture the joy of just being together without the worries of IF. It's hard, I know. And men just deal differently with IF... they hurt, but they just don't show their feelings like women do.
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