I cannot believe it has been three weeks. I would like to say I am better but the truth is I am not. I am fine at work - I am not crying myself to sleep - I am making plans and going out but I am still off. I am very very spacey - I cannot focus on anything - which is not helping at work because I keep messing up - simple things too. Also I keep having bad dreams when I sleep. I used to sleep like a rock but not anymore - I am up at least 3 times a night and these dreams are so horrible and sad - I wake up feeling scared.
I have done a few things to treat myself if you will. I did end up finally buying some new clothes - just enough to get me by until I lose the weight - we also got a treadmill and I am going to start working out on Feb. 1st. I am getting my hair cut and colored this weekend and I made an appointment to get a facial. I also made an appointment to see the derm. My face is crazy - I guess my hormones are nuts since losing the baby and I made an appointment to get my teeth cleaned because my RE said I could not do it while pregnant for some odd reason. It is a start to getting back to normal - but I wonder if I will ever feel normal again.
I decided to purcahse the ring - I think it is just what I was looking for and a good way to remember the baby. I also decided that I am going to do a memory book for the baby. I purchased a book to start for my pregnancy - but now I will use it to remember the baby. I printed out alot of quotes and poems to put in it and I will also put in all the ultrasound pictures I have of our little bean. I have a ton of them.
9 comments:
You are still in our thoughts and prayers.
I have books for our babies and I treasure them. I look at them all the time. There are some great quotes out there; my mom sent me some nice ones.
Thinking of you...
its very hard. i am 3 months out and i am still very spacey. i am normally a good speller and everything and i can't even get through things like this comment without tons of errors and sometimes ill just stare at a simple word and have NO CLUE how to spell it. ugh, just one of the many examples of getting through my day.
im glad you are feeling a little better emotionally.
hugs!
lis
I've beenthinking about you. Glad things are slowly getting better. Things will never be the same, but I used to have to count, "OK, haven't cried for 3 hours, great!" then it moved to 12 hours, then a day, then two, then a few days, and sometimes I'd revert to the ever 3 hours, but it a lot of little steps of healing.
I've been wondering about you and how you've been doing. I'm sorry you have to go through this pain. I really, really hope you are proud of yourself for taking those small steps. Don't blame yourself for being spacey or having a tough time focusing. It sounds like you're doing what you need to do to make it through the day.
I'm glad you bought the ring and are going to start the book.
(((HUGS)))
I'm glad to hear you bought the ring and are taking time for yourself. Hope it gets a little easier from here. ((hugs))
Jackie, you guys are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself, and enjoy the facial, haircut and everything else you do. You deserve it.
I am glad that you are doing things to make yourself feel better. That is a huge step. When we stop trying to make ourselves feel better, that is when we should worry.
I miscarried in April. I was a zombie until June. From June until November I was severely depressed. This is after losing my baby at 5 weeks and 4 days.
What you are feeling is normal. I have had a very hard life, but nothing compared to having a miscarriage. The loneliness is unbearable, as well as having a dream snatched away from you. I don't know if this was your first pregnancy. It was for me, and that make it even worse. I did research as to what makes a person have an extremely difficult time with miscarriage. Here are the criteria: 1. If it was your first pregnancy 2. If you are prone to depression 3. If you desperately wanted this pregnancy. I had all three.
I will continue to hold you in my thoughts. You will get through this...you will get through this...you will have hope again.
A ring with the babies birthstone is an excellent way to remember your angel. I too have one for my precious Cadynce. Thinking of you - hugs
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