So throughout the day I am okay. I have been back to work for three days now - it is busy - I have alot to do and I am glad to be back and every single night after work I have errands to do - then I make dinner and spend time with my husband. Things seem like they are getting back to normal - I am able to do more now because I have more energy and I am able to stay up later and watch my shows instead of going to bed at 8 pm because I was so tired from being pregnant.
We also planned our trip - we are going to Punta Cana in April - my SIL is a travel agent and booked us a 5 star resort at a great price. We are also going to go down the shore on my due date in the summer to get away from it all - I feel like I need to just get away from it all.
But when I get in bed it is a whole other story - the past few night I have been crying myself to sleep. It is just that you cannot escape your thoughts when you are trying to get to sleep - even getting ready for bed is hard for me because I use to take a shit load of pills before bed and read my pregnancy books before bed. I think about how far along I would be and what I would be doing to get ready for the baby and I think to the summer and my due date and how hard that is going to be.
Another thing that has be really sad is my SIL - now I know I cannot get mad at people for getting pregnant - people are going to continue to get pregnant whether I can or not. But my SIL is only two weeks behind me. It is going to be the first grandbaby in the family - I was hoping our baby would be the first. Plus I am going to have to watch that baby and his or her milestones and think to myself all the time - oh well my baby would be that age or my baby would be crawling now too. It just breaks my heart to think about it.
15 comments:
My heart is so broken for you. My prayers are with you. The night is the worst time for thinking because there is nothing to distract you.
I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to know that the first grandbaby is due right after your EDD. You are in my thoughts as you grieve your loss.
My heart is aching for you. I always slept with the TV on to try to distract me from my thoughts and tears. You are in my prayers.
I am so very sorry. It's just not fair. ((HUGS))
did your Dr give you any sleeping pills? Maybe they would be good so you could get a few nights sleep.
I always sing myself a song in my head, usually a simple song that I can repeat over and over. Right now my favorites are Lord I lift your name on high and an old sorority song. Hope you are able to soon get to sleep better.
(((HUGS)))
im so sorry that someone else has to go through this cycle of pain. its all just so unfair. reading your post brought me back to the early days where i literally cried every. night. now comes only a couple of nights a week. sleep, well i haven't gotten a handle on that yet. i want to tell you that my brother and his wife had their first child (also the first grandbaby) the day after my twins were born and died. now i was expecting him to be born in october,(just not my girls) and i was so looking forward to parenting at the same time as my brother. it made every thing that much harder to digest, especially because my mom and dad had planned a trip to go out there a week after. it was hard for me to have my mom especially gone so soon after i had lost my babies. i love the little guy but i suspect that it will always be hard at his birthday, christmas etc. the only thing that i can think is that he has his two cousins to always be with him and look over him. sending you some peace today and hoping someday we will all find it. xoxo
I can not imagine what you are going through. It sounds like you are coping so amazingly well.
I am so so sorry for your loss.
I understand what you are going through. My SIL and I found out we were pregnant at the same time. I lost my baby a week later. We shared an EDD. She had her baby a month prematurely, on the very day I had my D&E from my third miscarriage last year.
I wish there were something more I can say. I'm sorry. (((HUGS)))
oh sweetie. It's just not fair...
I'm so sorry you're going through this rough time. There's really no words to say to make you feel better, but I hope things improve soon. If I've learned one thing throughout this journey, it's that life isn't fair. Prayers your way!
P.S. - Where @ the shore are you going? I live a few minutes from Seaside Heights/Park.
Oh, Jackie, my heart breaks for you. I am just SO sad that you lost your baby. I know that feeling of being unable to escape from your thoughts as you go to sleep...and the tears keep coming. I said a prayer for you. ((hugs))
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I have some meditation/relaxing CDs by Belleruth Naperstack. I like to listen to them at night before bed. If you think they would be helpful at all, please let me know and I will send them your way. (((HUGS)))
oh hon... I'm so sorry.
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