We went to the RE yesterday to confirm the baby was gone - there was no heartbeat - I could not look. Then we went to the hospital for my pre admission testing - everything went smoothly. I am so nervous about the surgery and how I am going to feel after they take the baby out of me. I am scared about the side effects of an D & E. Right now I have no pain and no bleeding. I do have a horrible cold though. Which timing sucks.
I am trying really hard to think of positive things. Like now I can get my hair done - I have no had my hair colored in over a year since we were saving up for IVF. I am going to get it cut and colored the first chance I get. Plus I already lost 10 pounds - so I am back to my pre IVF weight - so that means I can go shopping - I put off shopping for winter clothes because I figured I would be pregnancy soon. Also I ate a hoagie yesterday and it was so good. I have been off caffeine for months - even before IVF so now I can finally drink my green tea I love so much.
I would give all this stuff up and more if I could have my healthy little bean back but I guess it was no meant to be.
We will not be doing treatments again for awhile. I just need a break - even though my RE said we could cycle (do a FET cycle) next month - we are just not ready for that - both emotionally and financial - we cleared out all of savings paying for IVF. We we will wait and heal.
17 comments:
Stay focused on the positives in your life. I hope and pray for a speedy recovery from the surgery. May you find comfort during this healing time.
Take as much time as you need.
Praying...
I hope all goes well for you tomorrow. I'll be praying for you!
Sending healing thoughts you way....Your strength right now is truly amazing.
Jackie -- I've been following you for so long and my prayers and thoughts are truly with you and your family. You have such a positive and amazing attitude. I know one day your dreams will come true. To add to the positive list you wrote in this last post... You now know that you can conceive (even if it's with IVF) and that you can become pregnant, you have a number of frozen embryos (for the future -- don't need to think about it now) and when the time comes you can try again. That's so great to know that there is something that can be done -- that you did have a positive result (even though it didn't last unfortunately). I am hopeful for you that your next cycle, when you're ready, will be the one. Keep your head up and stay positive as you tend to do, but also feel free to vent and complain. I hope that tomorrow goes well and is pain free at least physically. Hope they can tell you what went wrong too. Keep us updated.
Jackie...I feel your pain. I also tried to look on the brightside, and I did do all of those things you did too!It does help to think of some positive. I even wrote about my d&e procedure on my blog, and tried to find the positives too--oddly enough. Sometimes a body once it knows how to be pregnant, can do it on its own. I'll be praying for a miracle in the right time for you.
i have been thinking about you and checking your blog. ((HUGS)) I have had a D&C and honestly the waiting and anticipation is far worse than the actual surgery. I wil be thinking of you and sending you so many positive vibes. You have a great attitude!
I'm so sorry to read about your loss. I wish you strength and I hope you and your husband can be of comfort to each other during this time. You are going to have so many different emotions as you continue forward these next few days and weeks and even months. I wish you healing, both emotionally and physically. Be true to yourself and your feelings. Best...C.
I am just heartbroken for you. All the caffeine and bad food in the world can't erase the pain I know you're feeling right now.
My wish for you is that your surgery is quick and painless, and that healing comes to you in time. I know it will be with you forever -- but, in time, I hope that trying again is something you're ready to consider. You are going to be the best mom.
Hugs,
Jo
I hope for you that time brings some sense of comfort during this sad, sad loss :(
Wait and heal (both physicall, financially, and emotionally) is the best avenue right now. I'm so sorry for this horrible loss- thinking of you.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Take all the time you need and do whatever little things help ease the pain or get you through it. ((hugs))
makingmemom.blogspot.com
Hugs are being sent your way and let yourself heal these next few weeks or months. YOU do what YOU need to.
Prayers for peace and healing.
I am thinking of you Jackie! I hope you have a speedy recovery, although it was emotional my d&e recovery was a breeze compared to the lap.
There is nothing wrong with doing nice things for yourself and taking time to heal. ((hugs))
Praying for you.
(((HUGS)))
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