Not so bad

I am okay - I cried it out last night and it is okay - we will never give up and it will be better next time - everything will be okay and we will have our family someday. I went in for the beta this morning and I asked for my records - it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be - I thought they were going to give me a hard time and I was in no mood to fight with them but no - all I had to do was fill out a form and they did not even charge me - the first time is free. The should mail then to my house within 10 days - once I get them then I will make the appointment with the new RE. The ironic thing was after I took the HPT test last night I went to open my mail and of course there is a baby shower invitation in there for one of John cousins. I never thought I would be the women who would not go to baby shower because it is to hard - but here I am - thinking that I doubt I will go - I will send a very nice gift but I doubt I will go - I just cannot handle it right now - and then there is the whole other thing of going into Babies R Us to get the gift - but I will do it - I will get in and get out. I guess infertility for me comes with a bit of bitterness - I wish I did not feel this way but I do - I am happy for every women that is pregnant because it is just such a miracle but I am very sad right now that I can't also have a mircale.

I have such a busy weekend ahead - dinner tonight, a block party tomorrow, and a BBQ on Sunday - then me and John are going to Valley Forge on Monday - just to hang out and be with each other - I have alot of thing coming up that I can look forward to - I am going to try and enjoy my two month break and in the meantime we will continue to try the old fashion way - because you never know and then hopfully I can start treatments back up again in August - I hope we get good news or at least better options at this new RE.

I hope everyone enjoys the holiday weekend.