I am really struggling right now - it comes in waves - I am okay for awhile and then I am not. When we first got our dx of MFI I was certainly not okay - I was very very depressed - crying all of the time - not going out - not enjoying life. But it got better - I realized that I had options and just because we have MFI does not mean that I will not get pregnant. I even got up to the point where I could deal fairly easily with pregnancy announcements and baby showers. I would just keep saying to myself - that just because I cannot have babies does not mean the world stops having babies.
But after being told that IVF is our only option left I have been very depressed again - I was so hoping that it did not come to IVF. Plus we are almost at the end of our infertility journey - if IVF does not work then that is it - no baby for us. That is so hard to deal with.
To add insult to injury - I got not one but two pregnancy announcements this week. I took it hard - I cried - I screamed - why them and not me I had a few glasses of wine and I dealt with it. But I am still having a hard time - I am so sad. I cannot shake the feeling of jealousy. I guess I just have to go through my emotions - feel them and move on. IVF is not easy. I am going to be sad and depressed and scared and I just have to deal with each emotion as it comes.
8 comments:
(((hugs))) I wish there was more I could do say, but it is so hard. I'm sorry and we're here for you!
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I'm sorry. My heart breaks for you, and all of us struggling. I go through phases like that and they suck. I hate those sad, angry times with a passion. As the months go by I feel like dealing with pregnancy annoucements gets harder and harder. So are you ymoving forward with IVF?
Here's hoping that you have an announcement free week next week!!! May no pregnant ladies cross your path.
As you deal with each emotion, we will be right here with you helping you through.
I'm "very sorry" you had such a hard day. I think that most of us who go through infertility can relate to things like this.. I feel up and down all the time, it is unfair I know.. I do hope you do IVF, me and my husband was just told a little over a week ago that we could not get pregnant with out IVF, unless it was a miracle.(and that could happen) We plan to start the process soon. I do understand you feeling afraid because this is your last chance at having a bio child. I feel the same way, and I'm nervous, and sometimes feel as though I don't know what to do. But I'm also Excided too, because we may finally be able to get pregnant and have a baby. Please don't give up.. I'll be keeping you in my prayers
Big hugs. It is hard news to take. It was hard for us in the beginning too. But now I just focus on remembering how miraculous it is that we even get this opportunity. 25 years ago this news would have been the end of the line. IVF truly is an amazing option.
~smilelari~
Big Hugs to you.
We are all here for you! Most of us have been there or maybe we are on our way there. Anyway, I am praying for you and hoping that these next couple months are not too hard on you! I'll check up on you and make sure that it isn't the case.
You have to let those jealousy emotions out. Cry, scream, stomp your feet... whatever you have to do to let it out. Don't keep it in because that will hurt you more.
Here's hoping 2009 is a GREAT year!
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