So many decisions to make

I am freaking out a bit - I really want 2009 to be our year but we have so many decisions to make and I am so scared if we make the wrong one that another year will go by and we still will not have a baby.

First of all I have to meet with the RE next week to see what he thinks. I am hoping to do a few more IUI's before moving on to IVF - but my big problem with IVF is paying for it - I am so nervous about it - we need to get a loan and what if we do not qualify and then what kind of loan should we get - home equity loan, medical loan, use our credit cards - I just have no clue and I kept thinking what if we put ourselves in all of this debt and we still do not end up with a baby.

Then the other thing on my mind is timing - we would really need to do IVF before May - the earlier the better because DH sperm counts go down even lower in the summer months. Also I was reading on the nest about a women who husband sperm is so bad that the embryo will not stick - and I keep thinking - what if that is us - what if Dh's sperm is so bad that nothing will ever work.

Then we also have to think about One IVF cycle or shared risk - DH want to do just one - but I do not know - it seems better to do shared risk. The RE gave us a 65% chance of IVF working the first time.

We are also at the end of this road and what if there is not a baby at the end of it. I just want to make the right choices. I am so scared.