There I said it - as most of you know that follow my blog already - I am negative - I always think the worse. There is positive people in the world and there is negative people in the world and I am one of the negative ones. I will admit it - I have no shame. It is what it is and it is who I am. It is the way I cope - I think of the worse thing that can happen that way if it does happen it does not hurt as bad and if it does go well by some chance then I am overjoyed.
That is not to say I am not grateful - I am truely blessed to have the family I do have, and have wonderful inlaws, and the most amazing husband, and a job, a lovely home, so many wonderful friends and most important my health. Not a day goes by that I do not thank god for all I have and I know it could be alot worse.
I am just down and depressed today. Yesterday my brother got his deployment date finally - June 6th - he told me how scared he is and my heart just broke for him and I cannot stop thinking of all the horrible things that could happen to him over there and all the horrible things he might have to witness. I am just worried.
Then I got the Ugly Bitch -AF - last night - which is 5 days early - at first I thought it was implantation spotting - so of course I googled like crazy - yes I have been TTC for 3 years and I still google pregnancy symptoms - laugh if you must. I even got hopful - I mean we had perfect timing and did it every single day the week of ovulation instead of every other day like we normally do because of the MFI. But no - no miracle break cycle BFP for me this month.
I applied for a job at a hospital - it is the only one I found so far that offers benefits and is full time. It would be great - I would really love to work in the hospital system because they offer IVF benefits - but since I have no medical experience - I doubt that will happen - but I am going to try.
Okay so that concludes my bitching for today.
7 comments:
Just wanted to send you some hugs...I have been on this journey for over 4 years and I am still googling about this and that...
Every month right before I get AF I google pregnancy symptoms and am convinced that I am pregnant. Go figure?!
You're not alone in your googling.
HUGS!
Hello, I am Nic and I am a negative person as well! I am sorry that AF is here, she is such a bitch!
Hope you get the hospital job
From what I've read on your blog, I don't think you're a negative person. I think most of your posts are actually pretty optimistic --- like you know you've been dealt a rough hand and you're putting on a brave face and trying to find the best in the situation.
I'm not sure I could do that, so bravo to you! :)
I truly hope you get the hospital job, or at least one just as good! :)
I can't seem to enjoy being pregnant, because I am so worried everyday that I am NOT anymore! It is a vicious cycle!!
I am sorry AF came and showed her nasty face!!
I am sorry that your brother is being deployed. That sucks!!
My cousin did two tours and we were a nervous wreck the whole time.
Vent away--be negative if you need to be---I'll be here to listen!!!
HI JACKIE. (in a unison like voice) My name is Michelle and I'm a negative person.
I try to be positive but I cant help it. We have been TTC for 2 years and I still google early pregnancy symptoms every time I spot about that time or am a day late.
Today we got crappy SA results so I am in your boat. Its a shit day.
Good luck on the job application hope you get it.
God Bless your brother and I thank him for his service.
i think of preparing for the worst as a coping mechanism, not that you are a negative person. maybe i think that way since i do the same thing?
sendng you lots of "positive vibes" :) xoxo
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