Yesterday was not the best day - not only did I get in a fight with one of my good friends but I also got in a fight with John and we went to bed not speaking to each other and I hate that.
First the fight with my friend. It has been going on for a few days now. By e-mail because we e-mail each other every day - multiple times a day. So two or three days ago - I e-mailed her and told her how upset I was about getting my period and how I have this IF rollercoster. Well she writes back and says that she thinks John and I should look into adoption. This made me very upset - she knows our background - she knows we are saving for IVF. So I tried to explain to her that adoption was not an easy way out that it takes alot of time and money and his not for everyone. Well yesterday she wrote me back and said that she does not know what to say around me and that she feels she has to walk on eggshells around me. I told her that she was not listening to me - this (IF) is not a new thing - I have been talking about it with her and sending her information on it for years now and all I wanted was some support. I told her I am no longer going to speak to her about my infertility - I told her that I will just let her know if and when I get pregnant and I will spare her the details from this point on. She wrote back and said she thinks that is for the best. The truth is she is just tried of hearing about it - there is not miracle cure that is going to just get me pregnant and she does not want to hear about our struggle any longer. So much for support from my friends.
Then I go home - granted I was in a bad mood to begin with but John and I started talking and I told him about the IVF consult that I set up - and he was like - I guess we have to go. I told him I could her the hesitation in his voice and he said he did not want to do this. Yes, he knows we have to do this but he does not want to. He wants a child and is ready to be a father but he truly did not think it would come to this. He truly believed that we would get pregnant before IVF. He is having a hard time putting all this money out and he is frustrated and angry - which is not helping me feel any better. All I want is a little support - someone to tell me that everything will be okay - that it will all work out and that one day I will get the family I so desire. This is when I miss my mom the most. I know she would support me or at least let me get it all out - my concerns and frustration and everything that will come along with this IVF cycle. It is causing more problems and it has not even started yet. I guess John and I are just both scared. Please tell me I am not alone in feeling this way.
9 comments:
Oh sweetie, you are not alone in how you feel. DHs have a hard with IF treatments and sometimes they might not be able to be the best support because they are struggling too. So, that's what we're here for...to listen and support. I know it sucks that you have to do IVF and fork out too much $$, but it will be worth it in the end. You WILL get pregnant and have that family one day. I'm also sorry about your friend...she just doesn't get it. ((HUGS))
I am so sorry that your friend is being o unsupportive of you! Sometimes I think it is just unbelievable what we have to go trhough and then when someone says they have to walk on egg shells I feel like saying- well thats what real freinds do- they support you in good times and hold you up in the bad ones!!
My husband will say the same kind of things like- I really don't want to do all of this- and in the next breath agree with it all.... but I sometimes just want to scream- REALLY- Like I enjoy this!! This IF is not what any of us planned and I just want you to know you always have the blog boards for support! Hugs!!
I am sorry about your friend. I think she is being really awful! She should read up on the resolve website!
Men take a while to digest information and come on board sometimes. It sounds like he does want it, but is hesitant b/c it is such a big step. It is a lot of time, money, and emotion. I think he will come around about it! It is very scary and my DH needed two days to think about it! Meanwhile as women we are the ones in the trenches with IF and so I think it's easier for us to decide! GL! I know you will get your baby!
I'm so sorry about things with your friend and your husband. I haven't gone through IVF so I really don't know, but I imagine it has to be extremely hard for both of you. I think that while John is angry and frustrated, I bet he is also grateful that you are taking the initiative to set up the appointments. He will be thankful for it all and see it is worth it when you guys are parents and have a little one running around. If you need anything let me know, I'm not that far away from you, and I will be happy to help you out!
Ugh, I'm so sorry your stuck dealing with this. My husband and I are scared too, and niether one of us ever expected to be in this place, starting an IVF cycle. It's not ideal, and it's not what OUR plans for making a family entailed, but somehow we are here and we will continue to trust that God has a plan for us. I know He has a plan for you too, and I'm praying that you find peace (and support) soon!! Your not alone!
You are not alone. It took my husband about a year b4 he said okay to IVF...that was after my right tube was removed..so we really didn't have a choice. As for as your friend....people that does not struggle with IF will never be able to understand your struggles...she may be a good friend and all that...but when it comes to IF I would just not inform her of it.. JMO. My sister knows all about my heartache with IF and every now and then she says that she doesn't know what to say...she doesn't understand..and never will...that is why I am so thankful for the internet. I have such an amazing support group here and on fertilityfriends.com that I really don't need people IRL to understand. The best thing and only thing that your friend can do is to listen...thats all...(HUGS)
You are not alone sweetie - I really don't have anyone IRL that understands and knows how to encourage me...that's why I LOVE the circle of girls who blog about IF. Everything will be okay and you will have a beautiful family one day - stay strong and hopeful! xo
:( Hubbies are so great and as much as they are in this with us I feel like its still not the same. Sometimes I think my hubby is in la la land thinking we will get pregnant on our own without IVF when we first started thinking IVF he was like we dont need it yet 17 months of TTC i think he is finally realizing wow it wont happen for us like it does most.
and about your friend i am so sorry i am feeling that majorly with alot of mine no one gets me and no one cares and it sucks...
i know it feels lonely but your not alone hang in there girl and know we area ll praying for you
Jackie,
You are not alone. I'm sorry that your DH is having a hard time with things. I'm sure that he's just scared and frustrated. I know that both my DH and I are very frustrated with how expensive IVF is going to be - we're spending most of our life savings on it!
It's hard to find friends IRL who understand - I only have one friend IRL who "gets it." You are not alone - all of us on the Nest and in the blogosphere are here for you. I'm praying for you. HUGS!
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