IVF Prep Update

I have been off caffeine now for a full two weeks and I must say it was not as hard as I thought it would be - yes a few times I did wake up in the morning with a headache - who wakes up in the morning with headace?? I also wanted a soda really bad on Friday night at a party we went too - but I just stuck with my water. I have Tea Cooler in the fridge for John and I must say it did tempt me last night - but I have been do so for so long now - I am not going to ruin it. I am drinking one cup of decaf coffee in the morning and the rest of the day I drink water. At dinner I have a glass of juice and then water for the rest of the night.

I am starting my exercising back up again today - I do not think I am going to do the the 30 day shred - it is just to hard - but I will find something to do.

The bladder training is going well - I am up to 3 hours. Sometimes it is harder than other time - and when I am home all weekend it is hard to keep track of the time - but I am doing it. I really think that cutting out the cafffeine has help my bladder control.

Getting Ready

I know this sounds so silly. But I am getting my house ready for this IVF cycle. If I do get pregnant there is alot of work to do around the house before a baby comes - so I want to start doing some of the work now. For one our computer room need help. It is the only room we did nothing to when we moved it - it still has drop ceilings and pink carpet - yes I said pink. So next weekend we are clearing it all out - painting and redoing the hardwood floors. I even bought a new desk. I am also clearing out the baby room. We called it the baby room before we even started TTC - when we moved in the room was a baby's room - it was painted blue with a teddy bear boarder. It is the smallest room and it is right next to our room. It will be our baby's room - so we painted it green and I started clearing alot of the furniture out of there - I know I am getting ahead of myself like aways but I just want to be ready.

Medication Donation - Thank You

I just wanted to thank everyone who e-mailed me and offered medication. I got so many offers for Menopuer - everyone is so kind and generous and I appreciate it so very much. I have all of the menopur I need now.

I am still looking for Bravelle - I need 36 vials still - so if anyone has any leftover Bravelle, please e-mail me at elephants824@aol.com.

Thank you again.

Medication Donation

I went back and forth on whether I should do this or not but I finally decided at this point anything will help.

I am looking for medication donations for my IVF cycle since we are 100% OOP - every little bit helps.

I need 4 vials of Menopur and I need 36 vials of Bravelle. Each vial is 75 IU, with Q Caps and Needles.

If you have any Menopur or Bravelle to offer I am willing to take it.

All I ask are two things. One make sure it is not expired - I will not be using the medication until mid October and two - if they can be shipped to me by overnight mail so they are not out in the heat. I will be willing to pay for the shipping costs.

So if anyone is interested please e-mail me at elephants824@aol.com

Thank you.

Three Years Today

AF showed her ugly face this morning - which means - it is now officially three years since we started TTC.

I hope it will be okay

I am going to try and look at my new work situation like this - I come first and so does this IVF cycle. I am going to pretend like I am starting a new job - since I have no clue how to do half of the things the secretary did. She is suppose to sit down with me today and go over everything.

The first thing John asked when I told him what is happening is if I am getting more pay - and I said no - he said that was not right. Which it is not - I am going to be doing double the work I should get double the pay - but I guess I am just lucky to have a job in this economy.

My RE's office does not open to 8 am and I have to be a work at 8 am - so of course I am going to miss alot of time. Since it takes about an hour to get there in rush hour traffic I am probably not going to get to work to at least 10 am - so that means I would have to stay to 6 pm every night. Which is a long day - especially if I am not feeling so good. So I though I would ask my boss today if I can start coming in on Saturdays for a couple of hours to make up that time - that way on the days that I feel like crap I can go home at my regular time at 4 pm. Not sure if he will go for it but it is worth a shot.

I am just going to do the best I can do - they cannot expect me to know how to do everything right away - I have to learn.

Plus I am going to have John do everything else - the cooking and cleaning and wash - so all I have to worry about is our IVF cycle and work.

It will be a long two months but so worth it if we get pregnant.

Thank you for all of the advice - I appeciate it.

Work is going to get in the way of my IVF Cycle

My birthday evening was so nice then I come in to work this morning and get called into the bosses office. The legal secretary is leaving - she starts a new job on Monday - I work in a small office so that means all of her work is going to fall into my lap. Those of you who read this blog regularly know that the vice president is a drunk. So basically everything is left for me to do - my work, his work and now the secretary's work. I am feeling overwhelmed - half of the things she does I have no clue how to do - so I am going to have to learn everything. I just asked her how much do I really need to learn and all she said was ALOT. Just what I need more work dumped on my lap right before starting an IVF cycle and it is not like I am getting paid more for all this extra work. Nope - same pay - more work.

Then to add to an already stressful meeting - my boss tells me that him and the vice president are going on vacation at the end of September - meaning I will be the only one in the office to handle everything - which is right when my IVF is suppose to start and when I will miss time for appointments.

Then he says they are going away on business at the end of October for a week - can this meeting get any worse. That is just when my ER and ET are going to be and I was going to take a week off of work and use my vacation time. Well now I have to tell them - so I say that I am going to have alot of appointment coming up at the end of September beginning of October and he was fine with that - as long as I make up my time - okay that is good.

Then I tell him that I gave to have surgery at the end of October and I was going to use my vacation time to take off - he was also fine with this as well. So that is good. But I am still worried - he says he is fine with it now - but when I am the only one here handling things - he is going to get pissed off that I am missing so much time??

Then all I keep thinking is I am going to feel like crap - I am going to be sore and crampy and bloated and tired and I am going to have to work extra hard. On top of my now overflowing workload I am going to have to wake up early to go to the monitoring appointment and stay at work late to make up all the time I miss. This is going to be a hard few months coming up.

Readers: How do you handle it - working full time and going to monitoring appointments and making up all your time and running around in addition to feeling like crap from the drugs - how do you do it - how do you get through each day?? Any tips or advice??

My Birthday In Pictures

It turned out not to be so bad after all.

I came home to this

From my brother and his family - well really it was from my sister in law Nicole - she is so sweet.

Then I also got this wonderful gift from Jenn and Adam - so cute - I love it.

Then my husband took me out to get the printer I wanted for my birthday. I also got a card from him with a I Tunes gift card and then he took me and my cousin out to dinner. He did not talk much - he is still in a funk - but at least he stepped it up for my birthday.

Here is my cake

Here I am the birthday girl !!!

Today is my birthday

John and I are fighting - not so much fighting as not talking - well he is not talking to me - I am not really sure what is going on with him - since he will not talk to me - he has been acting strange every since we had our IVF consult. I do not know if he does not want to do it now or if he realized how much was invloved and he is scared or if he is overwhlemed with the amount of money if cost or maybe it has nothing to do with infertility. This whole process I must admit has really put a strain on our marriage - infertility is not easy to deal with at all and through this three year process we have had major ups and down - and I guess this is just one of the downs. All he said to me last night is that he wants to be left alone. So I am leaving him alone - giving him space. But I will admit I am upset - I wish he would just talk to me and tell me what is going on with him. Communication is key in a marriage. This morning he did not even call me (he leaves for work before I wake up) he text message me - Happy Birthday. Wow I feel so loved. Ugh. I just wish I could have a nice birthday with him but I doubt it.

More Random Thoughts and Complaining

I am just not in the best place right now. I got some medication from a wonderful nestie - Lovemymonkey - thank you so much Rosemary - in the mail yesterday and IVF started to really sink in - seeing those needles made me upset because I wish that we did not have to do this. I know a positive attitude is the best thing to have at this point but I am a pissimist - I always have and I always will be. I am grateful for everything do have but I always feel like I am getting the short end of the stick. I am feeling very overwhlemed and I am not getting the support that I thought I would get my the people I choose to tell about our IVF cycle. I seem to be fighting with my husband more and fighting with my friends. I am just exhausted and this has not even started yet. I do not know how women do this and make it look so easy because it is not easy - not one bit. I am weak how am I ever going to get through this and if it does not work - how do you not fall apart. I guess I am just being really negative today because I am in a huge funk.

Random Thoughts

My birthday is on Monday - I am going to be 28 years old. I know alot of my friends were upset when they turned 25 but not me - I had a house and I was just married - I thought I was where I should and want to be at the age of 25 but now that I am turning 28 that is a different story. I wanted to be a mom by the time I was 28 - maybe even have two children by now. We have been TTC for three years now and it depresses me - this is not where I want to be at 28 - not at all.

I know everyone is going to say - well your young - blah blah blah. My mother had me when she was 32 - and I always said I wanted to have my children at a young age - mid twenties. I always said how old my mom was and that I never wanted to be like that. I wanted to have my kids young so I could be a young mom. Now that is never going to happen. Plus the fact that my mom died at the age of 51 when I was 19 years old. I know that will probably not happen to me but it is always in the back of my mind. I always think that maybe if she would of had me a little younger that then I would not have been so young when I lost her.

Warning TMI post

I have been trying to change my diet - to be more healthy and get my body ready for IVF. I have cut our alot of sweets and I am eating more fruit and I have cut our caffeine (except for a half a cup of coffee in the morning - which I am trying to wean myself off of) and I am drinking alot more water and juice - I have not had ice tea in over a week - which is huge for me because I love and miss my green tea. Anyway I think it is having a serious effect on my bowels. I have not had the best tract record when it comes to my bowels - but it has been pretty bad for about a week. I am so bloated that I finally broke down and took Colace last night - well actually when I got home from work around 4:30 pm - well it has not worked yet. I wonder how long it takes to work - I need some relief. I was also thinking about doing a colon cleanse prior to IVF - if anyone has any experience with this please message me. I would love to hear about it. Oh and they IVF nurse said that alot of the medication I will be taking causes constipation - great - just what I need.

As far as the bladder training goes I am doing pretty good - I have moved from going every single hour (which by the way is hard to do - espeically if you are busy at work) to every hour and a half - it is working pretty well. Hard at times to hold it - but so far so good. I will move up to every two hours next week.

Wish List Wednesdays

I saw this on Blonde Ambition's Blog and I thought I would try it.

Here are some of the things I wish for:

1. 2010 Mercury Millan - I love this car.

2. New Diamond Stud Earrings - I lost one of my studs so I cannot wear them anymore and I miss them.

3. A new printer that prints photos - ours broke about two years ago and we have yet to replace it.

I may get one of my wish list items soon - because I asked John to buy me a new printer for my birthday!!!

IVF Medication Cost Breakdown

I hope this helps someone. I called for different places today to get the best price for my IVF medication.

Freedom Pharmacy - I have worked with them before and I have no complaints but they were the most expensive - here is the break down

14 day kit of Lupron - $ 129.00
Menopur - $ 72.90 per vial x 12 vials = $ 874.80
Bravelle - $ 72.90 per vial x 36 vials = $ 2,624.40
HCG Trigger Shot - $ 45.90
PIO - $ 35.90 per 10 ml vial x 12 vials = $ 430.80

Total $ 4,104.90 very high - I am not going with them

Next is Village Pharmacy - they were pretty high as well and you have to add in a $ 10 fee for joining their program

14 day kit of Lupron - $ 99.00
Menopur - $ 58.50 per vial x 12 vials = $ 702.00
Bravelle - $ 44.00 per vial x 36 vials = $ 1,584.00
HCG Trigger Shot - $ 52.00
PIO - $ 49.00 per 10 ml vial x 12 vials = $ 588.00

Total: $ 3,035.00

Next is IVP Care - very well know and a good price - they offer overnight shipping and provide you with all the things you will need to do your shots.

14 day kit of Lupron - $ 99.00
Menopur $ 58.90 per vial x 12 vials = $ 706.80
Bravelle - $ 44.97 per vial x 36 vials = $ 1,618.92
HCG - $ 44.90
PIO - $ 34.95 per 10 ml vial x 12 vials = $ 419.28

Total: $ 2,888.90

And Finally Alexander's Twin Pharmacy - they had the best price and beat IVP care by about $ 146.00 - they are local in NJ and they offer free shipping - not sure if it is overnight or not - not sure if they provide you with all the supplies you will need either - that may be extra. Plus you have to pay $ 10 to be a part of their program. But here is the breakdown.

14 day kit of Lpuron - $ 98.00
Menopur - $ 56.90 per vial x 12 vials = $ 682.80
Bravelle - $ 42.90 per vial x 36 vials = $ 1,544.44
HCG Trigger Shot - $ 48.90
PIO - $ 29.90 per 10 ml vial x 12 vials = $ 358.80

Total: $ 2,742.14

As of right now I am leaning toward IVP Care - even though it is $ 146.00 more expensive than Alexander's Twin Pharmacy - it is more well known and they ship overnight and you do not have to be a part of any special program. I will have to talk it over with John and we still have about a month before I even ordered this medications - so I have time to think about it.

I got my IVF Protocol

Here it is:

Birth Control Pills - I will be on them for 3 weeks - hope they give me a sample pack so I do not have to pay for them.

2 week kit of Lupron

36 vials of Bravelle

12 vials of Menopur

HCG - trigger shot

Progestrone in Oil - for the first two weeks then I can switch to Endometrin if I get pregnant.

The girls on the board said the Bravelle is cheaper but you have to mix the drugs yourself unlike the Follistim pen that already comes mixed. I guess that just means more work for John since he is in charge of the medication and shots.

I will call around tonight to get the prices of everything and I will post about it tomorrow.

Some People Will Just Never "Get" It

I am feeling very overwhlemed now. In addition to all things IVF - we are trying to get alot of project done around the house in anticipation that I will get pregnant with this IVF - the more we do now the less we will have to do later - anyway I was told today that the secretary in our office is most likely leaving - which totally sucks. I knew she was thinking about leaving - she really wanted a full time job - she only works part time now - but she is really my buffer from the drunk boss and she does alot when she is here. Now I am going to have to take over her work load in addition to my work load and that does not bode well with trying to do an IVF cycle. I selfishly hoped that she would wait until after my IVF cycle to leave. So I am stressed.

I confided in my friend saying basically what I said above to her and this was her repsonse - I am not kidding.

"I don’t know if it is really a good idea to spend all that money on the IVF in October with all of this stress!! It sounds like you might be setting yourself up for failure"

I should of know better than to say anything to her - we are trying to keep this IVF cycle on the down low and that was just more proof that I really need to keep it quiet - because unless you have gone through this you really will never get it.

Busy Weekend

John and I worked outside all day yesterday - we weeded and trimmed the bushes out front and edged the flower bed and planted new flowers and we put new house numbers and a new mailbox up and we put new lighting up.

First the wall light on the porch

Then the matching lamp post light

It turned out really good and it looks great and now some things are checked off our to do list.

Getting Ready for IVF

Like I said in my last post as of Monday morning I am giving up Caffeine. I am also bladder training - so far it has not been going so well - it is hard to pee every hour on the hour when you are busy at work. But I am going to try and start fresh on Monday. I am also eating Activa everyday - I heard great things about it - that is really makes you regular - sorry if that is TMI.

So IVF gals - what else can I do to prepare my body for IVF??

Protocol and Bladder Training

I called this morning to get my protocol - because they did not have it yesterday - since I have not been to the RE since my last failed IUI cycle in Feb - they did not have my protocol ready from the doctor - I am almost 100% sure it is a long lupron protocol but I need to know all the medications I will need so I can price them out and see where I can get the best deal. Plus as I read through all the paperwork they gave me yesterday it said I need to have my medication lined up prior to calling in for day 1 of my period. So I called and spoke to one of the IVF nurses and she said she will talk to the doctor and get back to me - I hope I hear back today.

As I said in my last post - the IVF nurse suggested I start bladder training - so that I am not crying the day of the ET - today is day one. For the next few days I will go to the bathroom (even if I do not have to) every single hour - then after a couple of days I will increase it to every two hours and so on - and if I have to pee before the time is up - I have to hold it - hence the bladder training coming into play - she also said to cut out all caffeine - so no more ice tea or coffee. I plan on stopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond tomorrow and picking up decaffeined coffee pods for my coffee maker and also buying the Mr. Coffee Ice Tea Maker because that way I can make decaf ice tea. She said I also need to drink more water. I figure I have to give up caffeine for the IVF cycle anyway - mind as well start now. Plus I want to enjoy my ET and not have to be thinking about peeing my pants - so I ready want to try this - I hope it works.

We have a PLAN!!!

This is going to probably be long but I want to write down everything before I forget it.

First John was called in to give his sample. I was called back and they took my blood - alot of blood abut 8 to 10 viles - they even had me lay down - then John came in and they took his blood - only 4 viles for him. Then we sat down and discussed IVF.

I am a pretty good read of people. I did not really care for the IVf nurse - which may be a bad thing. I had my list of questions (which by the way the paperwork they gave me encouraged bringing a list of questions) and my pen ready to go - this is how I process - I write everything down so I can go back to it later. Well the first thing she says to me is not write everything because it was alot to take in and it would be repeated to me many times throughout the IVF cycle of what I need to do - which did not make me too happy.

So she started to go over the IVF process and of course I knew alot about it from the nest boards, research and books - which I do not think she care too much for - she kept telling me to stay off the internet - what do you want people to not come in there knowing anything. So they were my two big problems with her.

Onto the cycle. I told her we wanted to start at the end of September and she said that was wonderful. Because if I wanted to start this month - it would mean when I got my period - about August 28th and they lab is closed for two weeks starting on August 18th - so the fact that we wanted to start in September worked out great.

So I will start BCP when I get my period in September which will be probably on September 28th - I am pretty regular. So if my period starts on September 28th then I would come in on probably 29th and start my BCP on September 30th - I will take the BCP for 3 weeks - within those 3 weeks we will have to set up an injectable class- on October 16th I will start stims - and they are looking at a possible ER the week of October 26th - they told me to basically block out that week - because they will not know until I am monitored when I will go for my ER. She said in their office - 3 day transfers are standard - and it is very rare that they do 5 day transfer - so we will just have to wait and see - but I could be in my 2ww by Halloween. This is all just a rough estimate and it will all be more set in stone when I get my period at the end of Setpember. She did say they go over every single detail and will answer any question I had - which made me feel better. After our discussion we took a tour of the IVF center and I was shown where my ER and ET will be and that was it.

As for my questions. She told me I have to have a full bladder at the time of the ET and she told me I should try and start bladder control - basically meaning holding your pee - becuase it can be uncomfortable at the time of ET - so I am going to try and start that tomorrow.

She said I will only need to be on bedrest the day of the ET and one day after the ET.

As far as the cost - I have to go over the exact number with the financial lady over the phone - I will call her next week to find out what I need to do - but I did get the basics today. It will be $ 9,500 for the ER, ET, and montioring appointments, $ 450 for the anesthesia, $ 650 to freese embryos and a up front one year fee of $ 750 for the storage of embryos, the drugs will be about $ 3,000 and ICSI will be $ 1,600. That is ALOT of money.

We may not need the ICSI though because she gave us the results of John SA that he did at the beginning of the consult and it was very good - she said normal - her words not mine. His count was 20 million and motility 50%.

So if eveything works out I could be a mom by this time next year.

IVF Consult Day

I cannot believe it is finally here - I am excited because we have waiting so long for this - saved so much money and spent so much time talking about it but at the same time I am nervous - because this consult means it is really happening - in the back of my mind - I was hoping this day would never come - I was hoping it did not have to come to this and that we would somehow get a miracle break cycle BFP. But I am ready to move forward and do what has to be done to have a family. Our appointment is at 1:30 pm.

John keeps saying something that has me a bit upset. He keeps saying if this does not work then that is it for us - that he wants me to divorce him so I can met another guy and have children. I really wish he would stop saying it because I would not leave him. If this does not work - sure it is going to be hard and I am going to be depressed for sure - but not to the point of divorce.

On the other hand John also keeps talking about twins - he said if we are spending all of this money that he wants twins. I told him I think he would be upset if we find out we are only pregnant with one. I really only want one child at this point - I am not hoping for twins - but any success will be a blessing.

On a side note - is anyone else having trouble with their dashboard - it is saying I am currently not following any blogs - which is not true - I am following like 50 blogs - I hope it did not lose all fo my information - that would suck.

Baby Items

My consult is Wednesday I am so excited and hopeful and nervous.

Call me crazy but I really want to start buying a few baby items that I know I want and need. Way way back when I first started TTC in the summer of 2006 I started buying things because like most of us - I thought I would be pregnant right away.

I bought a dad book and a pair of boxers that say "We're Pregnant" on them - to give to John to tell him when I got pregnant. He still does not know about them - I plan on giving them to him whevever I get my BFP.

I also bought a baby book set - with the memory book, memory box, brag book, 1 year calendar and photo ablum that all match. My friend even bought me a few baby books - again - I kept all of these things in hopes that I will one day use them.

But since then I have not bought anything - since we did not get pregnant right away and still are not pregnant - ugh.

Anyway - I am so sure that this IVF is going to work that I want to get a few things. The first thing I want to buy is the baby crack machine. I want to pick one up for my friend Dana - and while I am picking one up for her I want to get one for myself. Is that bad?? Oh by the way if you do not know what the baby crack machine is - it is called the HoMedics SoundSpa Lullaby with Picture Projection. I also want to buy the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and the book Good Night Moon.

So have you bought baby items yet - or are you waiting until you get your BFP???

SA Results are In

Count is the same at 16 million

Motility is the same at 53%

Morph is up - from 3% to 7% - which is good.

We have not done anything different - so I guess it is true what they say - it can take up to a year to see result from the surgery.

IVF consult is in one week - I am getting excited!!!!

We have come to a decision

We are going to stick with our current RE. Yes he is more expensive - but there is a reason I left the old RE in the first place. John and I talked about this alot this weekend and we are going to keep our IVF consult for August 12th.

I looked up the stats on both RE and in 2007 - my current RE had a 40% success rate and my old RE (that is offering the cheaper IVF) success rate was only 20%. My gut is telling me that you get what you pay for and I love my new RE and I think he will listen to me and I feel comfortable with him and to me going through IVF you really need to feel comfortable with your RE.

Plus John brought up a good point - the old RE is advertising his cheap IVF everywhere - it has been on the news several times, in magazines and on the internet so everybody and their mother his going to be going to him now for the cheapest IVF rates around - so is he or his staff really going to have time for me - the time I want and deserve. I do not think so.

The silver lining is - that he is now an option and a cheaper option at that. Our current plan is to do our first IVF with my current more expensive RE but if the first one does not work - at least we have the option to go with the old RE and it will not take us that long to save for IVF #2 - hopefully it will not come to that - but at least it is an option.

So tomorrow I will call and set up John's IVF SA for August 12th - it needs to be done the day of the consult. I will also call and get his specific referral for this SA consult. I already got my referrals for the consult and then we are ready to go for the 12th.

John has his appointment with the Urologist on Tuesday so I will make sure and post about the result of the SA done two weeks ago.

Thank you all for you help, advice and support - I truly appreciate it.

One Lovely Blog Award

The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award.


Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you've newly discovered.


I would like to thank Sumer from The Lajeunesse Family for this award. I wish her the best of luck in her IVF Journey.



I have no clue how to post links to the blogs so I am just going to write out the 15 people I want to give this award to.



1. Life, Love and TTC Mysteries
2. Peachy
3. Confessions of a Blogaholic
4. Who Says Life is Fair
5. Think (+) Positive
6. My Life in Limbo
7. Jeanna's Motherhood Journey
8. Bottoms Off and on the Table
9. Journey to a "Wondraful" Baby
10. My Infertility Journey
11. A Hopeful Unicorn
12. My Acronyms give me character
13. The Pieces of my Life
14. Has Anyone Seen My Stork
15. Now how I planned.

I think all of these ladies are lovely.