I am just sad

My nerves are just shot. I am upset and pissed and just depressed. First my job - I have decided to stay here until after my IVF. The main reason is because of the IVF - I need to time off - not only for the montioning appointments but also for the ER and ET- if I start somewhere new I will not have that option. So if the IVF does not work then I will start looking for another job but if it does work I will stay here until I have the baby. John and I have decided that I will be a SAHM if we ever have children. But having to deal with my bosses drunkness just pisses me off so badly. Then I am so worried about my brother. I try not to think about it but I cannot help it - all the horrible things that could happen to him over there - it keeps me up at night. Then the infertility. Of course I got AF yesterday so I feel pretty deflated. John and I talk about IVF alot. He said if it does not work then he wants to be done but I am not ready to be done - I am only 27 - I am not ready to say I will live a child free life and I want to do at least 2 IVF before I would even consider living child free. He keeps saying he is too old - which is not true. I guess it is because all of our friends children are getting older - I guess it really hit him when we attended our friends daughter's 9 year old party on Saturday- we are really going to be the only one with babies. I was brought to tears twice this morning on my way to work. I just wish things could be easier or we could at least have some answers. Waiting is so very hard.