Friday, June 26, 2009

Put myself in a bad mood

I decided yesterday to go onto The Stirrup Queen's List of Blogs and look up some MFI blogs to read. Well I went through quite a few of them and is seem like each person had to do IVF - I did not read one that got pregnant with IUI. Then I felt so stupid - why in the world did I think that I would get pregnant with IUI - why did I think my first RE was crazy when he said we should go right to IVF after being dx with MFI. I feel like I wasted over a year of my life and we could of been saving all along. I guess I just did not want to believe that it would take IVF. Then I kept thinking what if it takes more than one IVF - what if the first one does not work?? Then what - we only barely are going to have enough money saved to do one IVF. John will not even talk about shared risk with me because he swears that the first one is going to work - I even brought up shared risk again last night - because I really think it would be a good choice for us and he said No and that was the end of that. Then we read some of the couples guide to IVF and it freaked me out - while I was reading it - 3 shots a day and all those appointments and the ER and ET - then the evil PIO shots, but as I was driving to work today - I started to think that hell yeah I can do this - if it is going to get me my family - the baby or babies that I long for then hell yeah I can do this.

9 comments:

K8e said...

Don't beat yourself up you made the decision you thought was right at the time. I think moving to IVF sounds like it is a good place for you! I got thrown into this cycle of IVF from an IUI and was FREAKING about all the same things you are. The shots in the stomach (3) were not that bad. Now be ready menopur stings really bad going in so I always did that one first to get it over with! The IM trigger was not that bad my DH did it and it was over quickly. I have my first ER on sat. The PIO shots are for after right? I am doing a pill instead so it's not a sure thing you have to do them. I agree you are strong and brave. Anyone going through IF and failed IF cycles is! You can totally do it! GL and I hope that you figure everything out and it goes really well! (shared risk sounds like a great idea if insurance won't help you!)

Jill said...

I know that IVF is so overwhelming when you look at the whole process, but I swear you CAN do it! If you take it one day at a time, it isn't so bad at all. :)

Flower said...

You don't know the outcome of any type of treament. You try...and then you keep trying. I am praying that you will get your miracle soon. Hang in there.

Tiffany said...

Of course you can do it! It really isn't as bad as it seems. The shots are not all that bad, our biggest stress and problem was the money. You can do it! I don't blame you for thinking about shared risk. We don't have MFI, but it took us three shots to get these boys. It was a matter of finding the right protocol and unfortuantely for us, my body didn't take well to the standard long lupron protocol, it put my ovaries to sleep too much. I did better with antagonist and no lupron.

Kelli said...

When you are holding your little one in your arms you're going to look back and know that every shot, every appointment, and every procedure was worth it. For sure, you can do it!

'Murgdan' said...

You can do it. It is really scary before getting started, but the more you learn, the more comfortable you become, and the more you realize....I CAN do this.

Also, I only had one shot a day (three drugs at the most, but they were mixed for only one shot). The shots are the easy part (I promise).

We are MFI also. There are times when it works the first time, and times when it doesn't. It's a coin flip. It's good to be positive about it working, but I've found it also helps to be realistic.

akoto said...

{{many hugs}} You have been so incredibly strong throughout all of this, never giving up hope. No one is going to look at you as having wasted time--only as someone who is so worthy of admiration for the courage and patience she has shown. It may not be much comfort, and it really is awful that anyone has to go through this, but you really have shown just how amazing both you and your husband are through this.

As always, I am keeping you in my prayers. :)

Suzanne said...

Don't worry, you'll be fine when you go through IVF. I've just started my IVF cycle and if you take it one shot at a time, one day at a time, it's not that bad. By the PIO shots do you mean the progesterone oil shots? You might be able to get progesterone supplements instead, that's what I'll be using.

Anonymous said...

i totally agree with the other ladies. the shots are not bad. i did several injectable IUIs and 2 IVFs...and i can't even remember the shots. i don't remember them hurting. the PIO was IM and a little more involved...but mostly b/c i didn't do it myself. i think the most stressful part of all of it is the uncertainty of it all and the cost. :(

hang in there... we'll all be here to support you through the process!