On Bedrest

So my last RE appointment did not go so well and it is not my last now. Remember a couple of weeks ago I was bleeding. Well they noted last week where the blood was coming from and this week the blood mass grew. I am not really sure what is going on - because the nurse acted like nothing was wrong - everything looks good with the baby - the heart is beating and he or she is growing and we even got to see the bean's hands and legs today - the bean is starting to look like a real baby now. But the doctor said that I have to be on bedrest and I have to come back to the RE office on Thursday to see if the mass is growing. I have had no bleeding since that one time a couple of weeks ago but they said I may start bleeding again. I was in such shock that I did not even ask any questions. I have a list now to ask him on Thursday. I am pretty nervous now. I just pray everything will be okay.

Not my last RE appointment after all.

I called the RE last week because I was concerned about the whole new due date thing. He said that everything looked good and to keep my July 29, 2010 due date. But that since my first OB appointment was two weeks away that he wanted to see me one last time next week. So I have an appointment on Tuesday and I get to see my little bean again.

I had a wonderful Christmas with my family. John got me a video camera - which is going to come in so handy once the little one is here. He also got me diamond earrings. My brother and his wife bought me a baby doppler which I cannot wait to use. It was so much fun spending time with my nieces.

Here is my newest pregnancy picture - big bloat belly. I cannot believe I am 9 weeks already!!

Last RE appointment today

Everything looks great with the little bean. The baby is getting so big - and the heart was beating away - I was so happy I could not stop crying tears of joy - the bean is looking more like a baby now too. The nurse said she could see where my bleeding was coming from last week and it was at the top of my uterus and that she does not think it will happen again - which is good to hear.

They measured the baby and said my due date was August 2, 2010 - which is odd being that my original due date they gave me was July 29, 2010 and I did IVF so that due date should be pretty accurate and not have changed - I am a little concerned that I am measuring behind. My RE was not there this morning - so I left a message for him - I just want to make sure everything is okay with the bean.

My brother and his family will be here this evening - I am so excited to see them. John and I stayed up late last night getting everything ready for them and John will go to the food store after work today so we are stocked up on food.

One good thing about the 2 feet of snow we got this past weekend is that my nieces now get to play in it tomorrow - they never have snow like this where they live. They are going to love it - my camera is going to be out non stop.

My first OP appointment is January 8th. This is all starting to feel real now.

I feel better today

I was able to finish my Christmas shopping last night and John went to the food store so we have food. Yes my house is still a mess but who cares. We are having a pretty big snow storm this weekend so that means that I do not have to go to the pollyanna I was so worried about - but that also means John will be out most of the weekend plowing. I am going to give the neighbor kids money to shovel my walk - I cannot do it. But that means I can stay home and wrap all the presents and try to get the house ready for my brother's arrival.

I am truly blessed this year. I am finally pregnant - I have a growing little baby inside of me which is crazy wonderful and my brother is coming to see me - I have my family home for Christmas. I have alot to be thankful for.

John family offered to help with making the Christmas dinner and I got the ham last night at the food store. It will all work out - I may not have the cleanest house and there may still be a hole in my kitchen ceiling but it will all work out.

I am just going to try and focus on the good things and take this weekend to relax and get some chores done.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

8 Weeks Today

Warning: This is a total complaining post

I am totally cranky today. I am pissed about Christmas. There is still like 50 things to do and I have no desire to do any of them - we have not put up our tree yet or decorated it and I do not want to - the ceiling in the kitchen is still a mess from the roof leak we had last week. I am not done my shopping and it looks like at this point it may not get done. I am not even close to being done wrapping the gifts - is it bad to give people unwrapped gifts?? We have a pollyanna to go to on Sat. night and I really do not want to go - but I think my hubby will be upset if I do not go because it is for his family and I missed last years. I wanted to cancel the Christmas party I was going to have at my house but hubby will not let me - he said he would do everything for it. He has been helping out alot - he is going food shopping - he got the tree and is doing the dishes and washing the clothes. It is just that I have no desire to do anything. I am so tired all of the time and now I am so scared to do to much - I am scared I will bleed again - I figured it I can work all day long that is enough for me - but at Christmastime it is just not enough. Plus I have not even dealt with the fact that my brother his wife and two toddler children are coming in next week and staying for 6 days in my tiny house. I just want the next two weeks to be over and done with.

Bleeding Scare

I had a bleeding scare on Sunday night - it was horrible - I thought I was losing the baby - it started on Sunday night around 10 pm - it was bright red blood - I cried all night long and did not sleep a wink - by morning it had turned to brown blood but was still coming - I called out of work and as soon as my RE office open I called them and they said to come right in - I rush over there and they did an ultrasound and everything looked good with the baby - the baby was measuring normal and the heart was beating. They do not know why I was bleeding but they said I need to take it easy from now on and rest as much as possible. Which is not going to be easy this time of year but my husband is basically going to take everything over. The household chores - finishing the shopping - hosting the Christmas party and making sure my brother and his family are entertained and comfortable. The RE said I had to stay in bed until the bleeding stopped - it stopped around 6 pm last night - I took off of work again today - just to make sure. This is my warning to slow down - I was so very scared. The most important thing now is this baby and I am going to to everything I can to keep the baby safe. The RE said if it happened again I will need to be on bedrest for 4 days. I was suppose to be released from him today but because of the bleeding I have another appointment next week. I just pray this never happens again.

7 weeks today

I got my flu shot and my HINI shot at the OB office today. I was so nervous about getting them but they are done now.

I am already not liking my OB office. I need to make my first OB appointment so I figured I would do it while I was there - so I go to the front desk and tell the girl I liked to schedule my first OB appt - and she said I that I needed to call - and that most people called to make an appoitnment - and I said why - I am here now - she said oh you are coming from a fertility doctor and said it like it was a bad thing and she she would have to call me back tomorrow with a date and time - WTF - this is so silly. I can tell I am already not going to like it there - this is my first child and I know they deal with this all the time - but I do not and I would like some compassion.

7 weeks today - feeling pretty good - the sick stomach feeling as not gotten any worse which I am happy about and hope it stays that way. I am super tired all of the time.

We have a heartbeat!!!!

I went in this morning for my second ultrasound and we saw the little bean again and there was a heartbeat - it was just a tiny little flicker. The baby still looks like a little bean and not a baby yet - but everything looks good. My treat of miscarriage is now down to 5%. My RE told me I can make my first appointment with my OB - I have a third ultrasound next Tuesday and that will probably be my last with the RE - I will be released to my OB. I go in to my OB office on Thursday for my HINI shot - so I will make my appointment then. I get to stop the PIO shots too - which means I do not have to get up at 5:30 am every morning so my husband can give it to me before he leaves for work. I will be on progestrone pills twice a day now. My all my bloodwork has come back good and everything seems to be right on track. I am just so happy - it feels more real now.

Second Ultrasound Tomorrow

I am hoping and praying we see the heartbeat. John swears that they were mistaken last week and we are going to see two babies in there this week. He is so crazy.

I am super tired all of the time - little things wear me out. In bed most nights around 8:30 pm.

I am still not finished my Christmas shopping - but John offered to help. I did get all the Christmas cards written out and some wrapping done this weekend. We also got the rest of the outdoor decorations put up - it looks nice.

I am feeling okay - I wake up in the morning and it is like I am hungover. Car rides are not fun for me - but other than that not too bad - no throwing up yet - hope I never do.

If they see the heartbeat tomorrow they will take me off PIO shots. Even though they do not really bother me - I have to wake up at 5:30 am for John to give it to me before he leaves for work - which is not fun. I will be happy to switch to the pills for that reason.

I have my HINI shot on Thursday. I am getting my hair cut on Saturday - I am getting bangs - something different - if I do not like them - they will grow out fast. Then Sunday we have a Baptism to go to. A busy week for me.

6 weeks today

I am feeling pretty good. I only really feel sick in the morning on the way to work and after I eat my lunch for some reason.

I am looking forward to my ultrasound on Tuesday. I have to ask my RE when I will be released so that when I go to my OB on the 10th for my HINI shot that I can make my first OB appointment when I am there. I do not really like my OB - but he is so close to my house - I would rather see one of his partners but how do you leave a doctor and go with his partner in the same building??

I got some Christmas shopping done last night - I should be done by the weekend - I have alot I want to do this weekend - I want to start wrapping, get the Christmas cards written out and decorate the outside of the house. Well John will do the decorating and will point out where everything goes. I also want to go to honeybaked ham and order our Christmas ham. Lots to be done.

If I can just get through this month

We have a ton going on this month and I am super scared that I am going to get that horrible morning (all day) sickness. I am already not feeling so good - a little sick to my stomach, very tired and just plain blah. I have been going to be at 8 pm so I have been missing all of my shows - I really need to get a DVR. If it just stays like this then I can handle it - but if it gets worse I am not sure what I am going to do.

I am preparing a throw up bag tonight - I know I am a dork - I am going to put in wipes - in case I need to wipe down a toliet that is not my own - some bags for the car, some mints and some preggie pops if they ever come in the mail. I hope to get them today - since I ordered them over a week ago.

I am going to try and get all my Christmas shopping done by the end of this weekend coming up - so I do not have to worry about that - I am going to ask John to start doing the cleaning around the house. I still have to wrap all the present and write out the Christmas cards and prepare the menu for Christmas dinner - we are having about 20 people at my house - I know I am crazy.

I have two doctors appointments next week - our second ultrasound on the 8th and go get my HINI shot on the 10th. I am suppose to get my hair cut on the 12th and we have a baptism to go to on the 13th. I am suppose to have a get together for the girls I use to work with at my house on the 15th and I have to cook dinner for that. Then John's big family Christmas party on the 19th. My brother and his family are coming in on the 22nd and staying until the 27th. Then of course the big Christmas party on the 25th. Not to mention I still have to finish decorating and get a tree.

So as you can see we are going to be crazy busy so I cannot get any sicker - I keep telling this little bean if we can just make it through the next 30 days we will be okay. I already told John if we need to leave one of these events then we have to go and he said he is fine with that - if I am really sick then I just will not go = but I hope it does not come to that.

I am still over the moon happy and still cannot believe I am pregnant and I thank god every day for this wonderful blessing. I am so lucky - I will have my family all around me for Christmas and I have our own little family growing inside me. I am so nervous about the ultrasound on Tuesday - I just pray we see a heartbeat - I think once we see that we will be a little bit more at ease.

One Little Bean

We had our first ultrasound today and there is one baby in there - all looks good so far - I am due July 29, 2010 and I am 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant. We saw a yolk sack so that is a good sign and he says that my chance for miscarriage is down to 12%. He said it will even go down more once we hear the heartbeat. We have an appointment next Tuesday December 8th to see the heartbeat.

The good news keeps on coming

I had a wonderful thanksgiving - we told DH's immediate family. They were so happy - his mother and sister cried. Then my brother arrived back on his base Thanksgiving night - safe and sound - he even called me on his drive back home and I was able to tell him that he is going to be an uncle. He is so excited for us. He will be coming up for Christmas. He said maybe the 23rd to the 27th - I am excited to be able to spend the holiday with my family.

Today I got a letter in the mail from my RE about my embryos. We had 13 embryos fertilize. Out of the 13 they froze 5 at the 2pn stage. Then we had 8 embryos left - we transferred two on day 3 and they were going to watch the remaining 6 embyros to see if they made it to blastocyst stage - well 4 of them did - so now we have 9 frozen embyros. How wonderful is that!!!!!!

Our first ultrasound is Monday morning at 9 am - we will find out how many are in there.

Here is my first pregnancy picture at 5 weeks. I look so big already - it is because I put on 10 pounds from the IVF. I am going to have to buy maternity clothes soon because none of my clothes fit me.

Things I have learned so Far

The big thing is sneezing. When I sneeze I get a sharp pain in my lower belly - it only last a mintute but it hurts - I looked it up and it is totally normal - the same goes for if I stretch or get up too fast - I learned to get up slowly.

Second thing is sore boobs - wow - they are like bowling balls - I cannot believe it.

Third thing is I am always hungry now - I find it better to eat alot of small snacks throughout the day - but on Monday I woke up at 5:30 am so hungry and had to eat a waffle and then yesterday I woke up at 2:oo am and had to eat some crackers.

But I am loving it all - it reminds me that I have a baby or babies growing inside me - which I still cannot believe.

IVP Care is delievering my progrestrone today and I ordered some preggie pops - I will stock up on saltines and ginger ale as well - I hope I will not need any of it.

My brother will be back on his base in NC on Thanksgiving evening at 8:15 pm. I cannot wait to tell him my good news - he is going to be a uncle!!

I will be 5 weeks tomorrow - according to the internet my due date will be July 29, 2010 - but I will have to wait and see what the RE says at my appointment on Monday.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving - thank you for all the well wishes and support - it means so much to me. I have alot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

First Ultrasound Set Up

I still cannot believe I got my two lines in 09!!!!

I have my first ultrasound set up for 9 am on Monday November 30th. We will find out how many is in there. John is thinking twins - but I am thinking only one.

I am waiting on a call from IVP Care so they can ship out my progestrone to me today so I can get it before the holiday. The nurse told me I will only need to take it until they hear a heartbeat.

We are going to tell John's immediate family on Thanksgiving - I will be 5 weeks then.

I am looking into getting some preggie pops - I am wondering if they are any good - I just want to be prepared.

It is really true!!

My present for DH - I have had this book and boxers for almost 3 years now - I can finally give it to him.

I Am Pregnant!!!!

I got the call at 11:30 am - I could not wait until John and I got home from work and so I called him and met up with him at lunch time. My beta came back at 604 - but I am 18 dpo. It is still a bit high. I go in next Monday the 30th for my first ultrasound to see how many are in there. I seriously cannot believe after over three years, countless treatments, appointments, surgeries and a year of saving for IVF that we are finally here. I cannot believe I am actually pregnant. John was so very happy he started crying - and he is not a crier. I plan on stopping on my way home from work and buying tons of HPT so I can finally see what a positive looks like on one of those.

It is finally my turn!!!!!

Beta Day!!!!

I went in for my beta at 7:15 am. I am at work now and hoping this day goes fast. The RE office probably will not call until after 3 pm - but I have to wait even longer than that. I promised DH that we would find out together so I asked the nurse to leave a voicemail on my cell phone with the results and I will wait until I go home to listen to it with my hubby - so I probably will not find out the results until about 5 pm. I told John if he is not there when I get home I am listening to it without him because I waited way too long - I have been wanting to test for days but he asked me not too - he asked me to wait for the beta. I am so nervous - I really do not know what is going to happen.

My New Office

I want to share some pictures of my new office that is finally finished after three months. We tore down the down ceiling, put up crown molding, painted, new curtains, new desk and new hardwood floors with a new area rug. I think it turned out pretty well.

First I will show you some before pictures

The old desk with horrible walls and pink carpet and pink curtains

The old gray closet doors and a view of the pink carpet.

New Hardwood Floors

The new office, with the new desk, paint and cutains - I even love my artwork.

View of the freshly painted closet doors

So Now I am Sick

John has been sick for over a week - I made him go to the doctor's yesterday and he said that the cold is on it way out and just gave cough medicine. I thought I was in the clear - nope - I woke up this morning and not so much - I have a very sore throat and I just feel blah. I am pissed that I am sick.

Only three days until my beta. I am already a basketcase. I am nervous about everything - I am going to be a crazy lady if I am pregnant - I just do not want to do anything to mess this pregnancy up and all I want is a healthy baby or babies.

I am nervous about taking any medication - I know Tylenol is okay - so I will take that but nothing else. I am nervous about my cat - because I heard scary things about the liter box and if your cat scratches you - so I am taking him to the vet tomorrow to get him tested just to be on the safe side.

I hate those suppositories

Last night was my last night with them and of course it had to be a huge ordeal. I put one in after work and since I was having problem with them staying in before - I really shoved it up there and as soon as I did it I know I pushed it too far. About an hour later I started bleeding - well spotting really and sorry TMI but it was mixed with the mess of the suppository. I was freaking out - I thought I was getting my period - but I tried to calm down and realized that it was just that I probably stuck the stupid thing too far up there and irriated my cervix or something like that - because the spotting only last about an hour and I have not had any since. Thank goodness I got my PIO in the mail yesterday and we are back to shots today - I really truly hate those suppositories.

PIO Shots are back in

I called the RE office yesterday and asked them if it was okay if I switched back to the PIO shots and they said it was not a problem - they said I already had a refill and all I had to do was call IVP care - where I got all my IVF medication from - they had the refill and they were shipping it out to me yesterday and I should get it today - yay - no more Endometrin. I know alot of girls say the PIO shots are horrible because the needles is so big and it is oil not thin liquid but in my opinion I really do not think they are so bad at all - I just ice down beforehand and I do not even feel the needle going in - then use a heating pad afterwards. I have very minor soreness as well and it is alot easier to have one shot a day then to worry about 3 suppositories a day.

Less than a week now until my beta - I am getting nervous - I do not have really any symptoms - which scares me.

Suppositories - Major Fail

I did my first suppository last night and it went well - then this morning - not so much - I did it when my hubs got up to go to work then I laid back down for awhile. When I got up to go to the bathroom - basically the whole thing came out - not good. So now of course I am freaking out - is this normal? I just want to make sure I am getting enough progestrone. I have to do another one when I get home from work today and I pray that on goes better than this morning. I am just so pissed at myself for messing it up. I think I rather go back to the PIO shots.

My beta is in one week. I have no desire to test at all - I really do not want to know. I am so scared it will be bad news that I just rather not know.

John and I have decided that we will tell his family if I am pregnant on Thanksgiving but ask them to keep it under their hat for awhile. There really is no way around not telling them - since John's mom works at the hospital and sees my name on the board - she knew when I was having my ER and ET and everything.

My brother is suppose to be back in the United States on November 25th - all I am praying for now is that we find out we are pregnant on the 23rd and my brother returns home safe and sound on the 25th.

TGIF

It has been a long week - and I even had off on Monday - work has been crazy busy and I glad it is Friday and I can rest this weekend.

I plan on starting my Christmas shopping tonight - usually I am pretty much done by now - but with IVF I am a bit behind. I usually like to get all my Christmas shopping done before December - because that is when the stores start to get really crowded and I just cannot deal with that. I have my list all ready to go today and I have a plan - I am heading to the mall.

Then afterward we are going to our friends house to hang out - it seems like it has been so long since I have seen my friends.

I am feeling better - no cramps and it seems like the bloating has gone down some too - that is good in a way but bad in a way because it makes me think maybe it did not work and I am not feeling anything anymore because I am not pregnant. I am trying not to think like that - but sometimes the thoughts creep in - if I am not pregnant I am not sure what we are going to do - this was basically our last option as of right now - we are out of money - completely.

Had Another Appointment at the RE

I just had some bloodwork done so they can check and make sure my progestrone is where it needs to be. I asked the nurse if the bloating was normal and she said yes.

I also asked her if they will leave a message with the results of my beta on the 23rd and she said that was not a problem. I do not want to find out the news - good or bad - at work.

So I just take the PIO shots until the bottle is done - probably like three more days and then I start on the suppositories. So my question to my readers is there any tips or things I need to know about doing progestrone suppositories??? Any additional side effects I should be aware of??? I heard sometimes you may spot from this - is that true?? I need to take them 3 times a day. Once in the morning - right when I get home from work and before bedtime.

My Bloat In Pictures

Here is what IVF does to a stomach.

This is me before IVF - this past summer.

This is me after IVF - today - major bloat. I have gained 12 pounds already.

I already look like I am three months pregnant - it is so hard to hide - I wish I could just wear sweatshirts to work.

Still not feeling so hot

I am crampy. Very crampy. I hear it is normal - I am hoping it is a good sign. It makes it hard to be at work and do things like cook dinner - but I am sure they will be more things to come once I am pregnant.

My beta is so far away but in a way I am kinda glad - I like being in limbo land - I do not want to know if I am not pregnant - and right now I am pregnant until proven otherwise.

I am going to try not to test until beta day. John really wants to wait for the beta. Our plan is to have the nurse leave a voicemail on my cell phone with the results and then I will go home after work and we will listen to it together.

In other news my brother wil be back in the United States for Thanksgiving. They said anytime between November 25th and November 27th. He will be getting leave from December 11th to January 4th - so that means he will be home for Christmas - I am very excited about this - I have not seen my brother in over two years.

My Thoughts on the IVF Process

BCP - Not bad - no side effects.

Lupron - the worse injectable drug - made me feel very run down and gave me horrible headaches.

Bravelle and Menopur - no real side effects - the only complain is that it burn going in.

The sub q injections were not bad at all - granted I did stim for 10 days and by the 10th day I had had enough but there really were not too bad just minor brusing.

I honestly think the worse part for me was lugging around all of those eggs - at the end I got very uncomfortable and bloated - but I was never in any pain.

ER - the worse part the being nervous before it started - it was a breeze - tiny bit of cramping and that was it - it went super fast and I was home before I knew it.

ET - just like an IUI - painless - the bladder holding was the worse part of all of that - and once I went to the bathroom I was fine.

I did gain 10 pounds since starting the BCP until now and none of my clothes really fit me because I am still bloated - but other than that it was not too bad.

I just took it one day at a time - it seems so overwhleming in the beginning but now that I am thru with it - it really was not that bad.

I just wanted girls to know that are thinking about going through IVF. I am a huge baby and if I can do it - anyone can do it.

I had my Egg Transfer yesterday

It went really well. We transferred two 8 cell embryos. I will not lie though the whole full bladder part was hard. I was to lay on the table after the transfer for 25 mins but I only laid there for 21 mins before I could not take it anymore and got up to go pee. I was told I only needed 24 hours of bedrest so I am up today but decided to stay home from work for one more day. I will go back tomorrow. My beta is not until November 23rd - which seems so far away.

ET Tomorrow - Well Maybe

The RE office called me this morning and said my egg transfer is tentively set up for tomorrow morning. They said I need to do my PIO shot two hours before I come in. They said I need to start drinking water one hour before I come in. They said I need to be there at 8:30 am and my transfer will be at 8:45 am. They still want to check my embryos one more time before they decide on a 3 day transfer tomorrow - so if they decide my embryos are not ready then they will call me at 7:30 am and cancel and set it up for a 5 day transfer on Tuesday.

I am super nervous - this is the part I have been dreading because of the whole full bladder issue. I am sure it will be okay but I am really not looking forward to it - I much rather not think about having to pee when they are sending my embie home for hopefully 9 months. But I guess it is what it is. I am hoping they will do it tomorrow because then the office will not be crowded since it is a Sunday and they can take me right in.

If I do have it tomorrow I will not be able to post until Monday or even Tuesday because I will need to be on bedrest.

The PIO went better this morning then yesterday morning - my butt is not hurting as bad today. I am still bloated and tender - and my boobs hurt too. But nothing I cannot handle.

I am excited though too because we are finally on the last leg of this journey and I am praying for a positive outcome.

Fert. Report and 1st PIO Shot

The nurse called early this morning with very good news.

Out of the 18 eggs they got 13 fertilized. They already forze 5 of them and are watching 8 more. They still do not know if my transfer will be Sunday or Tuesday - they will call me tomorrow about it. They may have to do assist hatching too - again they will call me tomorrow about it.

I had my first PIO shot this morning - and I am not going to lie - it did hurt - I iced down beforehand but could still kinda feel the neddle going in. Then I had John massage the area and I sat on a heating pad for about 30 mins - and it was sore but it seems to be okay now.

I am still pretty sore and they are concerned about OHSS because my E2 levels were through the roof - so I am taking it easy and drinking lots of gatorade.

ER Today - 18 Eggs

Sorry I did not update sooner - I rested most of the day. But they got 18 eggs out of my 27 follies - which I guess is pretty good.

They said my DH counts were really good but they did not give me numbers.

I will get a fert report tomorrow and find out when I will do my transfer.

Thank you for all the well wishes and thoughts and prayers - they are much appreciated.

Triggered Last Night - ER tomorrow morning

The trigger shot was no big deal - I was so scared for nothing - but it was my first IM shot. I just iced down my butt for about a half and hour beforehand and I did not even feel the needle go in and my butt is not even sore this morning. I am pretty crampy though - but the girls on the nest say that is pretty normal.

I did my trigger shot at exactly 8:30 last night and I go in for my ER at 9 am tomorrow morning. The actual sugery will not be until 10 am. I am praying that John gets good counts.

I did my last Lurpron shot last night as well - no more shots in the belly - yay!!!

John is making me a nice dinner tonight to celebrate how far we have come and all that our future holds.

I am excited but nervous about tomorrow. I hope they get alot of mature eggs and that John's counts are good.

I will update as soon as I feel up to typing on the computer - it will probably be on Friday sometime.

Wish me luck!!

I am Triggering Tonight!!!!

I went for my 4th follie check this morning and everything looks great and I am ready to go - yay! I have 27 mature follies now - my lead follie is measuring at 20. I will trigger tonight and go in for my ER on Thursday. My transfer will most likely be Sunday. Now it is up to DH - I did my part - the nurse said I had a beautiful cycle and responded to the medication wonderfully. The only thing that is bothering me now is my arm - they had to take blood out of a already very bruised arm and it is really swollen and sore right now - but other than that I am feeling pretty good. I am not too uncomfortable today - even though my pants do not fit anymore because of the bloat. I am excited!!!!!

3rd Follie Scan this morning - Still not ready to go

I started to get really uncomfortable this weekend - it is hard to sit completely upright because it presses on my huge ovaries which are already tender. I am not a very happy camper.

So I go in this morning - thinking I must be ready to go because of all the discomfort I am in - nope - not ready yet. My lead follie is at 17 - then I have a bunch of 16, 15 and 14's. I have to continue to do my medication tonight and come back in tomorrow morning for a another check.

The nurse said she thinks I will trigger tomorrow night and have my ER on Thursday.

You would not believe how long it took this morning - she had to count all my follies up and measuring them all then then she wanted to go back and remeasure the big ones.

I am ready now - I want all of these follies out of me. Hoping for good news tomorrow.

Bloodwork Came Back Okay

They said the hormone levels are rising but it is nothing to be concern with now - they are dropping my Bravelle dose down to 2 vials instead of 3 vials and I will stay at one 1 vial of Menopur and 5 units of Lupron. They want to see me on Monday morning. It is looking like my ER will probably be Wednesday. They told me to take it easy this weekend and keep well hydrated because my ovaries are enlarged and full with eggs - she said I may start to not feel so well but that is perfectly normal with the number of follies I have in there. Please keeping thinking good thoughts for me - I go back in again on Monday at 7:45 am.

2nd Follie Scan = 24 FOLLIES!!!!

I went in this morning for my second follie check and I have about 24 follies - measuring between 9 and 11. I cannot believe it - when I went in on Wednesday there was only 8 follies measuring between 5 asnd 6/12. The nurse said there is about 10 to 12 follies on each side.

She said my lining was good and two days ago my hormone levels were normal but she said if they are thru the roof today then she will have me cut back on my medicine tonight and that I may have to come in Sunday for a check but if everything is normal then I will not go back until Monday.

She said all of these follies could be a good thing though because maybe that will mean I will have alot to freeze but I am nevrous because I am scare to over stimulate. I am hoping and praying everything will be okay but she said there may be some cause for concern - but they have to wait and see what my hormone levels are.

Please pray for me and if you are not the praying kind - please send good thoughts my way that everything will work out and I will make it to the ER and that my cycle does not get canceled.

My hormones are going crazy and I cannot stop crying - please let everything be okay.

Day 5 of Stims

I am starting to feel it now - just a tiny bit of heaviness in my low belly - but that is a good thing because it means my little follies are growing. I did wear my comfy pants to work today - I think I intend to wear comfy pants the rest of the time until my ER - no need to be uncomfortable.

I am having a hard time with work - I already told my boss that I have to be out next week for a surgery (they do not know about my IF or that I am doing IVF) and they said it was fine - but now they want to know exactly what day I am leaving because I am working on a major commerical closing that is taking place on Thursday of next week - the only problem is I do not know when my ER is going to be and he will not stop hounding.

So I told him it is on Wednesday just to shut him up - I am not even sure if it will be on Wednesday - but I firgured it probably will not be before Wednesday so if it ends up being after that then I will just come into work and say that the doctor had an emergency case and bumped me back to Thursday or Friday or whenever my ER will be.

I go in for my second follie check tomorrow morning.

Some Baby Items I Want

Confession - I totally have a BabiesRUs wish list online. I have had it since I first started TTC back in 2006. I also update it with new things every so often.

I was on it yesterday - just hoping and dreaming that one day it can become a registry and I saw the cutest new car seat and stroller from Graco. They are gender neutral which is good because we do not intend to find out what we are having and they have elephants on them (I collect elephants).

Here is a picture of them:

I also love this bedding.

Back from my first follie check

I have 8 measurable follies. Four on the right side and four on the left side - they are measuring around 5 to 6 1/2. I do not know if I am happy or sad about this - I do not really know what I was hoping for - in the end I am hoping for 15 follies to be taken at the ER - that is my goal or at least what I hope for. I guess 8 is good for the first check.

I asked the nurse and she said that she has no expectations for the first check and that my garden of eggs needs more water as in the medication in order for them to grow - or something like that.

I am still feeling pretty good - fitting in my pants still - just some minor bloating - no really pressure or that heavy feeling in my belly yet. I told this nurse this today and she said - you just wait - you will start to feel it. I guess the follies are still pretty small right now.

I guess I will be going in about every other day now to get checked - this time next week I could be triggering for my ER - exciting and scary at the same time.

Emotionally I am not really sure where I am at either. In the beginning I was really excited - we were finally cycling for what we wait so long for but now I think my nerves are starting to kick in. There is just so many things that could go wrong and so much ahead of me. I am still praying for a positive outcome but I also thinking what happens if it does not work. So I guess I am feeling in between excited and nervous.

I go back on Friday morning and she said she thinks we will see more then because there was so unmeasurable ones there today - little tiny things.

Grow Follies Grow.

Husbands Hurt from Infertility Too

My poor husband made me cry last night - he gave me my two shots and then he is just looking at me as I lay in the couch. He was getting tears in his eyes and I asked him what was wrong and he just said that he hates that this is the way he has to get his wife pregnant then he got up and walked into the kitchen to dispose of the needles and I just sat there and cried - this is so hard on both of us.

My husband is not a crier - I have seen him cry maybe like three times in the 9 years we have been together. I tried to explain to him that it is okay and that this is going to work and that thousands of people do this everyday but he was just having a down night and did not want to hear it.

I am feeling pretty good. Some minor bloating happening and when I sat down on the bed this morning to put my socks on - I sat kinda hard and I could feel tenderness in my belly. I go in tomorrow for my check up - please let there be alot of eggs in there.

I cannot lie any longer

Even though I have been trying to lie to myself. I have gained weight since I started BCP for IVF # 1. I was even telling myself the scale was wrong and that it must be broken. When I went to the OBGYN over a month ago I was 136 pounds. When I got on the scale yesterday - 146.5. It makes me sad - but it is my own fault - I just keep eating and eating. I feel like I am going through alot right now and I deserve to treat myself to whatever I want. I know this will not matter if I get pregnant because obviously I will get bigger but what if this IVF does not work and then all I am is fat. I am on day 3 of stims and I am not bloated yet - so I am sure when that kicks in I will not even fit my pants - being that they are very tight right now. Just call me piggy.

Stims Pictures!!

All of my medication - the Lupron needle and the Bravelle and Menopur - two shot tonight. John mixing the medication - he is such a pro now - I call him Dr. John

Me after my two needles.

Starting Stims Tonight!!!

I am nervous and excited but Lupron headache just will not go away - John and I started our antibioics this morning - so tonight I will be taking 5 units of Lupron, 1 vial of Menopur and 3 vials of Bravelle. Does anyone have any tips or tricks - that would be great.

I am hoping for 15 eggs - even though the stupid nurse told John I should get 24. I go in on October 28th to see how I am doing.

John is finishing the computer room as I type - the crown molding went up this morning and it looks beauitful - I told him I now want crown molding in every room of the house. We is putting the hardwood floors down now and then it is finally completed - I will take pictures and post them tomorrow.

Suppressed

I went in for my suppression check this morning at 7:15 am. Everything looks good and I am ready to start stims. I will start tomorrow night - 3 vials of Bravelle and 1 vial of Menopur and I will drop down to only 5 units of Lupron - so I only have to take it at night now. Two shots per night - I can handle that.

They are putting both John and I on a antibiotic. We have to start taking that tomorrow as well twice a day. She also said I should continue taking the baby aspirin. I have to go back for another bloodwork and ultrasound on October 28th.

They gave me my calendar and it looks like my HCG will be given between November 2nd and November 4th and my ER will be between November 4th and November 6th. It is getting close.

I am at work today - I am feeling like crap - but I thought I better come in. I plan on canceling all my weekend plans and just resting.

Home from Work again today

I am beginning to freak out a little bit. I am still not feeling any better. Achy, Headache, Tired. I am praying I am not getting the flu or something - my husband is sick too - I am hoping he just has a cold and gave it to me but the part I am freaking out about is that I am hoping and praying that this will not mess with our IVF cycle. I have my supression check tomorrow morning at 7:15 am and I plan on asking my RE what he thinks and what medicine I can take or not take. Right now I am just taking Tylenol and drinking lots of fluids and resting. I was just hoping I would feel good enough to go to work today but I don't.

If everything looks good tomorrow I will start stims tomorrow night.

I just keep thinking if this does not work I do not want to keep thinking it was because I was sick.

So now I am Sick

I am home from work today. I think I am getting a cold but I do not know if it is the side effects kicking in or not.

I feel sick to my stomach, I have a headache and my throat is sore - I am achy and just feel blah.

Of course one of my friends stopped by my office today and I was not there and my boss told her he was upset that I am not there - he needs to get over it - because I have sick days and I am allowed to use them and it is his fault he fired the other paralegal and does not have any back up - not mine fault.

I just feel like a really do not need this right now - I wanted to be a healthy as I could be going into this IVF but I guess I really have no control over it. I am resting and drinking warm beverages and washing my hands all of the time and garggling with salt water - I just do not want to get the flu.

Plus if I am feeling like this now - then how am I going to feel once I start stims. I just want everything to go well.

Nothing much to report

Today is day 5 of Lupron - no side effects yet - and I think and hope they will stay away - I am just very tired. I have been going to bed early and not doing so much around the house.

Today is my niece Emma's 3rd birthday - I sent her down a huge boy of toys - I wish I could be there to see her open them. My brother is set to come home November 29th. I am really hoping that November is going to be the month for my family because I am going to find out that this IVF worked and I am pregnant and my brother is going to come home safe and sound from war.

My computer room is still not done - the floors were suppose to be in on Saturday but of course they are still not in - if they do not call today - I am calling them - I just want the room done and my house back in order.

John has been wonderful to me - very supportive and loving. He is so good with the shots and has been spending alot more time at home - and he does not say a word when the dishes stay in the sink for days or if we have pizza three nights in a row because I am too tired to cook.

Day 4 of Lupron

I feel pretty good. The only side effect I am feeling is tired - I just feel so run down - not even sure if that is a side effect or not - but that is how I feel. I almost called out of work this morning because I am so tired and I had to take a nap yesterday and I am not a nap person. No headaches so far which is good. John is doing a great job with the shots - they do not hurt at all. I am starting to get a few tiny bruises but that is all. We even took a shot with us to a party on Saturday - we just asked our friend if we could go up in their bedroom and do it - and it was no problem. I go in on Friday morning for bloodwork and ultrasound to see if I am ready to start stims - that is also when I pay a big part of the bill - I will be writing out a $ 9,500 check - ugh. If only insurance would cover this.

Another Blog Award

Thank you again to Life Happens When You'Re Making Other Plans for this award.


Here are the rules for this award:
1.Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2.Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3.Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4.Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5.Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6.Post links to th 7 blogs you nominate.
7.Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.

Here is 7 things about myself

1. My middle name is Susanne
2. I collect elephants
3. I grew up in an apartment - lived there for 23 years
4. I met my husband on a blind date
5. My favorite movie is "It's a Wonderful Life"
6. Halloween is my favorite holiday
7. I love to sleep in.

I nominate the same 4 people I nominated in the last award because I am tired and do not feel like doing all of that all over again.

Blog Award

Thank you to Life Happens When You're Making Other Plans for this award.

All we need is a little LOVE! This blog is about sisters uniting together and giving others some love because life is hard and who couldn't use a little love?

The rules for this award is simple.I LOVE YOU=8 letters which gives you 8 rules :)

Here are the rules:

1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award and write a little bit about why you love them.

2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4-Nominate no more than 17 people (why 17?) who you love or you think could use some love.

5. Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog.

6. You cannot nominate someone who has already been nominated-the love has to spread to all.

7-Post links to the 17 blogs you nominate.

8-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.Here we go! (the rules says no more than 17! Who has time to do 17? I chose 4 people.

1. Think Postive - kind

2. Our Life Experiment - smart

3. Bella and Her Fella - strong

4. Peachy - brave

My First Lurpon Injection

Back from Injection Class

Wow that was alot of information - I hope I can remember it all but the nurse was so very nice and let me ask all of my questions - both John and I feel ready for tomorrow.

Some things she told me: None of my medication has to be refridgerated and she told me to take them out. So also explained what all the needles were for and that there is a mixing needle and an injection needle - good to know. She told me I can prefill our Lupron needles - like if we do it at night for the morning dose. They have to be 12 hours apart so I will be taking the Lurpon at 7 am and 7 pm everyday - she also told me I will be taking the Lupron for the entire cycle which I did not realize.

I will be taking three vials of Bravelle for every one vial of Menopur but luckily all four vials that I will be taken per day can be mixed in one needle. So that means only two shots. One with the Lurpon and one with the Bravelle and Menopur.

So I will start Lurpon tomorrow morning and take two doses - one in the morning and one in the evening for a week then on October 23rd I will start the Menopur and Bravelle but drop my dose of Lurpon down to one - so I will no longer take the morning dose.

I have 15 days worth of Bravelle and Menopur - I hope that is enough - I hear average amount of time on stims is 12 days. Whatever I have left over I plan to donate since I was so kindly donated too - I want to give back if I can.

One question I do have - if you have gotten this far is - I heard that once you start your Lurpon and stop taking BCP that you get your period but it is not like a real period - it is just mild spotting - is this true?? If so, how long did you spot for??

Injection Class Day

I am ready - I have all my questions ready to go and they better not tell me I cannot write things down this time - I need to write everything down because I will never remember everything. I asked my husband how he was feeling and he said he was feeling ready too. I do my very first IVF injection tomorrow morning. I cannot believe we have finally gotten to this point. I think the Lupron is going to be a breeze - I just wish we could have an injection class at each step of this process - first to start with the Lurpon and then go back when I start the Bravelle and Menopur - but I am sure we will do fine. I just keep thinking to myself of all the women that have done this before me. I honestly feel prepared and ready and not scared or nervous - I just kinda feel like we were meant to do IVF all along - if that makes any sense and that this is going to work and this is going to be how we start our family.

I am on my last week of BCP - I am not sure if it is everything that is going on or what it is but I have been so very exhausted. I wanted to watch the season preimere of Nip/Tuck last night - but I was just so tired I was in bed before it even came on. But I am just going to listen to my body and do what is best for me right now.

So I like a new baby girl name

I am really falling in love with the name Quinn

Quinn Regina

Thoughts??

Starting Soon

Injection class is Thursday - I have alot of questions in my head but I really need to get them down on paper - I have so many different types of needles I do not know which ones go with which medication - I am sure they will explain it all to me.

I am starting Lurpon on Friday morning. John already switched around his work hours - so I do not have to get up at 5 am to have my shot. He is going to go in at 8 am instead of 6 am - so I think we will have our shot of Lupron everyday at 6:30 am - and then at night at 6:30 pm - which works out better. I am going to try and make all my montioring appointment for 7:15 am - which is the time my first monitoring appointment is on October 23rd. That way I can make it to work by 8 am and not miss any time or have to make up time.

I am hoping I will be on of the lucky ones that does not have many side effect from all this medication - I heard the Lurpon headaches can be horrible and I am not looking forward to that. I got all my medication and I am ready to go. I am also hoping that the steriod they are putting me on will not make me bloat up - but I heard you only gain alot of weight when you are on them for a long period of time.

I did not realize that I would be on the Menopur and Bravelle for two weeks - I thought it was more like 5 to 7 days not 10 to 12 days. I guess slow and steady wins the race. I just keep looking at it like only 5 weeks - only 5 weeks of injection - I can handle that - One week of Lurpon and then two weeks of Lupron, Bravelle and Menopur and then two weeks of PIO. I can totally handle it. Now the side effects - I am not so sure of - I told my husband to beware - LOL. So I am thinking my ER and ET are going to end up being the first week in November - which means if this works that I will have an end of July baby - how exciting!!!

I also purposely did not make any plans - I figured if I can get to my montioring appointments and get to work - work all day - that is enough for me - that way I can rest when I get home from work in case I am not feeling so hot.

Love

Blog Award

Rules
1. You Can Only Use One Word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Survey~
1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your hair? Brown
3. Your mother? gone
4. Your father? gone
5. Your favorite food? pizza
6. Your dream last night? poptart
7. Your favorite drink? coffee
8. Your dream/goal? baby
9. What room are you in? dining
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? Childless
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Mother
13. Where were you last night? bar
14. Something that you aren’t? quiet
15. Muffins? pumpkin
16. Wish list item? car
17. Where did you grow up? Pennsylvania
18. Last thing you did? Dinner
19. What are you wearing? p.j.'s
20. Your TV? Samsung
21. Your pets? cat
22. Friends? nice
23. Your life? stressful
24. Your mood? good
25. Missing someone? brother
26. Vehicle? sonata
27. Something you’re not wearing? bra
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? Monday
32. Your best friend? Ricky
33. One place that I go to over and over? work
34. One person who emails me regularly? jenn
35. Favorite place to eat? Applebees

Bloggers I want to past this award on to:

A Baby I Pray
Think (+) Positive
Adam and Julia
Who Says Life is Fair?
Bella and Her Fella
One More Meatball

Picture of my IVF meds

List of IVF Medication

Medication:

Lupron - two week kit with (14) 28 G 1/2 needles with syringe

Bravelle - 35 vials

Menopur - 12 vials

Estradiol - 2 mg - which is a generic form of Estrace - 36 Tablets

Methylprednisolone - 4 mg - which is a steriod - 21 Tablets

Chorionic Gonadotropin - 10,000 USP untis with Bacteriostatic Water - which is the HSG - trigger shot

Progestrone Injection - USP (In Sesame Oil) 500 mg/ 10 ml - PIO shots

Endometrin - Progrestrone Vaginal Inserts - 100 mg w/ applicators

Supplies:

1 Sharps Container

60 Alcohol Prep. Pads

20 - 18 G 1 1/2 needles

20 - 22 G 1 1/2 needles

2 - 25 G 1 1/2 needles

20 - 27 G 1 1/2 needles

10 - Insulin Syringes

30 - 3 ml syringes

50 - Q Caps

Yeah - that is alot of stuff - who knew you needed all of these drugs to make a baby. Good thing we are going to a class to teach us how to use all of this stuff - because right now I am clueless. I did take a picture - I hope to post it tomorrow.

My Meds are coming - My Meds are Coming

My IVF meds are suppose to be delivered to my work today - I am so excited about it - who would ever think I would be excited about medication - but I am because it makes it feel more real. I am going to wait until I get home to open the box - then I will take set everything up and take a pictures of everything - I heard it is going to be alot. Since my computer room is still not finished my computer is still not hooked up at home so I will not be able to post the picture - boo. I am going to make a list of eveything so that when I go for my injection class on the 15th I can check with them and make sure I have everything I need to begin.

Speaking of the computer room - it is painted - but of course nothing in my life is easy so when we went to refinish the hardwood floors they were runined and unabled to be refinished so John and I went to home depot yesterday and ordered new hardwood floors - a cost I was not expecting - they should be here in a week - so another week or so until I get my home computer back up and running - I did not realize how much I would miss it - but I do. This project is costing alot of money and taking up alot of time but I am sure it will be worth it in the end.

My Brother

I am just so proud of him. He called me yesterday and he is doing really well - they expect he will be home by the end of November.

He sent me some pictures and I want to share them with you. He is the one on the far right in both pictures.

Sgt. Andrew Donaldson, with Mine Resistant Ambush Protective (MRAP) Company, hold rear security with there shadows, Two Afghan National Army soldiers Sept. 23, 2009, during operation Gator Crawl.

Sgt. Andrew Donaldson, with Mine Resistant Ambush Protective (MRAP) Company, holds rear security with his shadow, an Afghan National Army soldiers Sept. 23, 2009, during operation Gator Crawl.

He is my hero.

Hysteroscopy Went Well Yesterday

It was not as bad as I thought it would be - definitely not as painful as the HSG. I thought there would be a ton of water but there really wasn't. He just put the camera up there and there was just pressure from that. He looked around and my husband and I could see it on the screen - they pumped water in as he went through to the uterus. The worse part for me was the biposy. It was not even the actual biopsy - it was seeing it on the screen - both DH and I were a bit freaked out by it - because he used this claw grapping thing - and ripped my skin - I could feel it and I could see it. I would of rather not have seen that part. He said everything looks good and I am right where I need to be for IVF. I had some minor cramping and some pink when I wiped - which he said was totally normal. I rested the remainder of the day and even took a nap - I think it was more emotional draining than anything else. I am just tender today but feeling fine.

Up next - injection class on October 15th!!!!

Hysteroscopy Today

Not really looking forward to this at all. I just do not know how many times they have to look inside of me before they realize there is nothing wrong. I know they do this as a precaution and it is an important step of the IVF process - it is just that I am so sick of having these test done. But I will do what needs to be done - it should not take very long anyway. My test is at 1:30 pm and I expect to be home by 3 pm where I will spend the rest of the day on the couch just relaxing.

IVP Care called me on Friday night and they had my order all ready to go - which I am so happy about. They are having the package shipped out so that I will get it at work on Thursday - they said none of the medications need to be put in the fridge and everything will come in a plain brown box - so I do not have to worry about anyone at work knowing - yay. So that is the next step.

Then we will move on to the injection class on the 15th.

I am on day 6 of the BCP - no side effects - yay - let hope that all the medications come with no side effects.

My Mom

Tomorrow on October 3rd it will mark 9 years since my mother passed away - some days I cannot believe it has been that long - I miss her so much - espeically lately - with my brother in Afghanistan and me starting IVF I just wish she was here. My brother and I lost our mother when I was 19 years old and Andrew was 17 years old - we had no one to take care of us so we took care of each other - I got custody of him - since he was still a minor and we lived in our apartment by ourselves - sometimes I think back and I am not really sure how we made it through - but we did. I give all the credit to my mother - she did her job right. It would of been so easy for my brother and I to get into drugs or drinking and partying - we were just teenagers and we were on our own - but we did not. My brother joined the Marines and his now a Sergent and I went back to school and got my AA degree. It is all because my mom was such a good mother.

Readers - if you mother is still alive - call her - tell her you love her. Or better yet go see her and give her a huge hug.

In IVF news:

I called IVP Care last night after I got done work and they said they still were not done verifying my insurance. So I have to wait. Which mean the package will come with my bosses here. But what can I do. Once i get the package - I will take it out to my car - I will take out the HCG trigger shot (the only thing that has to go in the fridge) put it in a brown paper bag and bring it into work and put it in the fridge until I go home - what else can I do. I was also thinking if the package arrives before lunch - I could take my lunch hour to run home and put everything away then - I will just have to wait and see.

John and I talked last night and figured out the situation with the shots - since I have to have the Lurpon in the morning and evening - John is going to ask his boss if he can come in an hour later and work and hour later. That way I can have my shots at 6:30 am and make it to my early bloodwork appointments at 7:15 am. Also that mean that I will not have to have my evening shots until 6:30 pm.

My Hysterocsopy is Covered

That is one good thing - I called the RE office this morning to find out how much my Hysteroscopy and they told me it was covered by my insurance and all I needed was a referral which I already had in their system - so I do not have to do or pay for anything on Monday - yay. It is the small victories that mean the most to me right now.

Still no word from IVP Care and I am getting a bit concerned. The women I talked to yesterday said someone would call me today to set everything up and ship it out so I would have it for tomorrow. I looked up on their website and their hours of operation are until 7 pm - so when I get done work at 4 pm - I am going to call and find out what is going on. It would really be great if I could have the medication delivered tomorrow.

So Far So Good

I am really trying to just take it one day at a time - like everyone has told me to do.

Last night I took my first Birth Control Pill, Baby Aspirin, and Pre Natal Vitamin. So Far so good.

I do intend to make a list today of everything I have to do each day and what will consist of each week. There is alot that will be going on in each week or each day for that matter and I want to stay on top of things and make sure I do not forget anything.

I called IVP Care Pharmacy this morning - they said the reason they had not called me yet is because I will not be starting stims until October 16th. The girl I talked to was very nice - she took down all my information and she also took my insurance information - she said they will run all the medication through my insurance today and find out if anything is covered and then they will call me tomorrow and get the payment and ship everything out so I will get it Friday.

The reason for my impatience with this is because my bosses are gone for the rest of this week - so I I can have the medication delivered to my job this week then they will not know about my IVF.

Here is the Low Down

Just got back from the RE office and there is alot going on.

First of all I had to get bloodwork done but the nurse had no clue what she was doing - she has to stick me three times - I have bandages on both arms now.

Tonight I will start taking birth control pills, pre natal vitamins and baby aspirin. The nurse called in all my medication and IVP Care (where I am getting the mediation from will call me later to set up delivery and payment) She also added another medication - Estrace. But the good thing is that I am able to use all the medication that I got donated to me - which is wonderful.

On Monday I have to go in and have a Hysteroscopy - John will have to drive me there and take me home. This procedure was never mentioned to me until today and I am not happy that I have to do it and miss work. I guess it is alot like the HSG - I am not really sure.

I have my injection class on October 15th and I start my first injection Lupron on October 16th. I will take 5 units in the morning and 5 units in the evening.

On Oct 23rd I will go in for more bloodwork and an ultrasound and make sure I am ready for the other injectable drugs and then I will start taking the Bravelle and Menpour that day.

Looks like my ER and ET my be push back to the first week in November - I guess it all depends on how I respond to the medication.

I am feeling very overwhelmed right now.

So It Begins

I got AF on Saturday morning - so I called the RE office on Saturday afternoon and left a message letting them know it was CD 1. I got a call back this morning - they are going to have me come in tomorrow morning at 9:15 am to go over everything. They will start me on my BCP and order my medication for me. I will set up my injection class and go over the next steps. So in my book at least - my IVF cycle has official begun. I must admit I am getting nervous now - even when the nurse called me back this morning my heart started racing. But I am excited too. I am just so happy to finally get this show on the road after waiting so long - saving for IVF - it is actually finally a reality.

Things are getting better

John just really need some space - time to adjust. We did not talk for two days because I was so upset at the way he was acting and I did not want to blow up in his face with my angry. So I calm down and yesterday when he came home we talked. He said he was sorry for acting like a jerk and that he is going to be there for me from now on and that I can count on him. He said this is just alot to handle. I am really hoping things go smoothly from now on because I cannot take much more craziness. I am really hoping he means what he says. He has never let me down before when it comes to big things - so I am positive he will be there for me when I need him. I told him I may have to take the Lupron in the morning - since he is giving me all of my shots - that means getting up at 5 am when he gets up to give me the shot (I usually do not wake up until 7 am) and he said he will talk to his boss and rework his schedule if we need to do morning shots. Now that is a step in the right direction.

I still do not know what I am going to do about work. I have three options regarding missing time for appointment. One is to stay late on the days I miss time - which is my least favorite option - two is the come in on Saturdays and make up my time - which may work better for me and three is to count up the hours until it equals one day and take it as a vacation day. Not sure what I am going to do yet - especially since it has been so crazy at work with me being the only secretary here now. My friends keep telling me not to worry about work - IVF comes first. I guess I will figure it out as the time comes.

Just waiting for my period to start - any day now I hope and we will begin.

Things are bad

My husband has become more and more distant. He is not coming around - he is freaking out and I do not know what to do. We have talked about this for over a year - we have saved for over a year - we have been to the consult - we even watched how to give injections on You Tube. I thought we were ready - I thought he was ready. But I do not think he his and I do not know what to do - he has totally shut down. He will not talk to me - he says he is overwhelmed and scared it is not going to work. He is nervous about spending all of this money in this bad economy and I am not sure what to do. I want to go through with it - I am hoping he will step up but at the same time what if he doesn't. He says he will be fine once we start - he says he needs to just work through his feelings. But all we do is fight. I really do not need this kind of stress right now. I am so ready, so willing and able and excited and hopeful. How can my husband be the total opposite. I asked him if he wanted to go talk to someone - I even told him I would set it up for him but he said no. I do not know what else to do. I am suppose to start the BCP for IVF in one week.

More Updates

My brother is okay - he was released from the hospital a few days ago - they were suppose to put him on light duty for 7 days because he is still having sereve headaches but he just found out he has to go out on another mission - out in the field - today - he is not happy about it at all because he does not feel ready. I hope he will be okay.

I talked with John again last night - he said he just feels overwhlemed - which is totally understandable. I told him that we just have to work as a team and we will get through this. About a week and a half until I start BCP for IVF. I am actually starting to get nervous now. But still hopeful.

I have a friend who is pregnant and her shower is coming up. I have planned all week to go to BabiesRUs today and get her gift - but I just cannot do it - I cannot put myself through that torture of seeing all of that cute baby stuff and all of the pregnant women and little babies - it is just too much for me to take - so I will be ordering it online. I just feel like I am wasting money paying extra for shipping when I can just drive there - but I guess it is worth it for me.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Update On My Brother

Andrew is still in the hospital - apparently he failed his memory test that they gave him and he is have major sensitivity to light and sound and has sereve headaches and is very sore. I heard this is pretty common in bomb attacks but it is still scary to me - so please keep him in your prayers.

I just added it up and I will be saving over $ 2,300 thanks to all the wonderful donations. I just want to say thank you again to everyone who donate to my IVF med cause - I truly appreciate it and it is going to help out so very much.

I talked with John over the weekend and his said his main concern is that this IVF is going to fail - he is so scared about that and that is why he is freaking out - I know there is a million and one things that could go wrong from start to finish but I try not to think about that.

Two weeks and counting until I start BCP for my first and hopefully only IVF !!!!!

Calm and Hopeful

I must say my husband and are are not acting like we normal do. I am usually the crazy planner who freaks out over everything - and John is the calm cool one. Well with IVF just around the corner - I am so very calm - I am not scared about the needles or ER and may be a tiny bit nervous about the whole bladder issue with the ET but other than that I am ready and I am hopeful - I know it is going to work because it just has too. I am ready to finally move forward and IVF is going to be our chance to have a family. John on the other hand is freaking out - he is freaking out about the money and the appointments and everything involved - even giving me the needles - he is scared we are going to have twins and not be able to support them - he is freaking himself out - I try to tell him one day at a time but I guess I have to just let him go through this and process what is about to happen.

In other news my brother Andrew who is a Marine and stationed in Afghanistan called me yesterday to tell me that he was in the hospital - he vehicle ran over a underground bomb - he is okay though - he was knocked out so they are keeping him 24 hours for monitoring but he sounded good - he said he has a headache and chest pains and is sore but other than that he is fine - thank goodness. He is set to come home by the end of the year - I cannot wait until he is home safe and sound.

IVF Medication Questions

I now have all of my Menopur and Bravelle - thanks to all of the wonderful women who dontated to me - I cannot thank you ladies enough - this is going to help so very much.

Now on to my questions. My protocol calls for 36 vials of Bravelle and 12 vials of Menopur - which I have now but as far as the needles and syringes and q-caps go I have no clue.

Here is what I have:

145 Q-Caps - I know I have plenty of these
84 - 27G1/2 Needles
6 - 30G1/2 Needles
20 - 3ml with 22G1/2 - needle and syringe
37 - 3ml syringes
35 - Alcohol Prep Pads

So what am I missing - what do I need. Since I have 84 27G1/2 Needles and only 37 syringes - then I need more syringes right??

What are each of the needles used for?? I know the 27G1/2 Needle is used for menopur but is it also used for Bravelle.

Is the needles that come with syringe the same thing and can they be used for both Menopur and Bravelle??

I have six 30G1/2 needles - what are they used for??

I am just so confused - I have no clue - I know I will learn all of this at my injection class but I would like to know what is going on with all these things I have. Can someone please explain it to me??

Bravelle

I only need 10 more vials of Bravelle and then I will have all I need to start my IVF cycle.

So if anyone would like to donate some Bravelle to me - please e-mail me at elephants824@aol.com

I want to thank everyone who has donated medication to me so far. It is appreciated greatly and will help lower our IVF cost so much. Thank you.

Finally called the IVF Financial Lady

Here is my breakdown:

$ 9,500 - for ER, ET, all monitoring appointment, bloodwork, ultrasound, etc - it has to be payble at the time I start my injectable drugs - which is around the second week in October

$ 498 - for Anesthesia for the ER - payable the day of the ER or beforehand. If I do not pay it until after the ER then it goes up to $ 1,000 - I will pay that when I pay the initial cost - just to be on the safe side.

$ 1,600 - for ICSI - hopefully we will not need this - we will see - that is payble the day of the ER.

$ 650 - initial freeze of embryos - may not be needed depending on if we have any to freeze - due at day of transfer.

$ 750.00 - cost of storing forzen embryos for one year - payable at transfer.

$ 875.00 - Assisted Hatching - which I do not think we will need - I hope not.

$ 300 - extra fee if we go to a 5 day transfer instead of a 3 day transfer which is pretty standard in my RE office - they like doing 3 day transfers, they only do 5 day transfers if necessary.

This does not even include the meds - why does trying to have a baby cost so much money - I wish I had insurance to cover this. Those girls with insurance count your blessings. OOP is no fun.

Now Everyone Knows

John went to a Labor Day BBQ without me on Sunday because it was a last minute BBQ and I already had plans with my best friend. Well his sister e-mails me today to say how excited she is that we are starting IVF at the end of the month. Apparently John told everyone at the party that we are doing IVF at the end of the month - we were suppose to be keeping it quiet - at his request and now the whole family knows.

Long Weekend Plans

We are not doing anything fun or excited - we are working on our comupter room - tonight we will go get a new closet door, the paint, drywall, a new light fixture and a new desk. Of course because nothing is easy in my life - we ripped down the drop ceiling and guess what was underneath it - another drop ceiling - who puts two drop ceiling in - so now we have to re drywall the whole ceiling. We are also ripping up the carpets and refinishing the floors - I pray the floors are half decent under that rug. We are painting it blue. I am excited - I will post picture when it is finished.

Bladder Training is not going so well now. I cannot get past 2 1/2 hours - I really wanted to make to 4 hours - but once that 2 1/2 hours hits - I have to go - I cannot make it to three hours. I am hoping to try again for the 3 hour mark next week. But the no caffeine is going well - over two weeks with no caffeine.

I have alot coming up in the next few weeks. On Sept 12th I am going to Nineteen with my cousin Ricky for resturant weeks - I am excited to go - it is a very high class resturant in center city. Then Sept 19th we are having a poker night at our house - our first one - it should be interesting - hence how I am getting John to work on the computer room - I keep telling him it needs to be done by poker night. I have a girls night on Sept 22nd and we are trying to set up a Phillies Game night for Oct. 3rd.

On the IVF front I have received many wonderful donations. All I need now is 21 more vials of Bravelle so if anyone has any left over please message me.

I still have to call the financial lady at my RE office to go over everything - I am dreading that and have been putting it off. But I really need to know when I have to pay for everything.

I am on two medication for my face - one for my Rosacea and one for my Acne - I have horrible skin - I wonder if I have to go off of that when I do my IVF?? Just another question to add to my list of questions.

Three weeks and counting to my IVF starts - I am getting so excited.

I hope everyone has a wonderful long weekend!!

I will tell them

I have decided I am going to tell my RE office about the donated medication but I am going to wait until I go in for my first appointment - especially because I have not gotten all the medication the wonderful donors said they would give me yet and also because I may get more donations. I will make a list of everything that I have and bring it with me - and see if they are fine with it - if they are not fine with it I will ask to speak with the RE himself. I do plan to fight this because we are talking about alot of money here and I do not want to be wasteful. I really hope and think they will not have a problem with it.

Onto my second problem - my husband is so very depressed about this IVF cycle. I think reality is really starting to set in for him now and he is having such a hard time with this - especially the money part of it - he keeps saying we are throwing away $ 16,000 - I try to tell him that it will all be worth it if we end up getting pregnant but he just cannot see past the money. With great risk there is great reward - I do not know why he cannot see that. I try to show him how I am trying to save us money by asking for donations - but I think he is just taking it harder because of the MFI. He was the positive one throughout every procedure and now for him to be so depressed about this - really worries me.

Of Course it Gets More Complicated

I had another wonderful nesties offer to donate to me BCP. So I decided to call my RE office to check in see if they offer free samples if BCP to their OOP clients - since I am only taking them for three weeks. They said they do not offer free BCP so I decided to take the nestie up on her offer.

I would like to thank everyone who offered to donation or has donation medications for my IVF. I think it is so wonderful and kind and I really appreciate it.

That said, I have another huge issue (I am so dramatic) I did not realize until I called the RE office today that they will be ordering all of my medication for me. I was under the impression that I would just order the medication myself. So now the question is do I tell my RE about the donated medication?? I am worried he is going to say I cannot use it - I am not sure how he will act because it was never discussed. I am willing to bring it in to him to show him it is not opened or anything like that? I wonder if that will work. Maybe I should not even tell him and just tell the pharmacy when they call that I have certain things already - but I am not sure I can do that either - since I know have all my menopur for the cycle - how can I tell the pharmacy that I do not need any of one of the medications that my doctor ordered for me.

I do not know what to do know - I have to tell him - right???

If you were OOP and received medication donations how did you handle this situation??

IVF Prep Update

I have been off caffeine now for a full two weeks and I must say it was not as hard as I thought it would be - yes a few times I did wake up in the morning with a headache - who wakes up in the morning with headace?? I also wanted a soda really bad on Friday night at a party we went too - but I just stuck with my water. I have Tea Cooler in the fridge for John and I must say it did tempt me last night - but I have been do so for so long now - I am not going to ruin it. I am drinking one cup of decaf coffee in the morning and the rest of the day I drink water. At dinner I have a glass of juice and then water for the rest of the night.

I am starting my exercising back up again today - I do not think I am going to do the the 30 day shred - it is just to hard - but I will find something to do.

The bladder training is going well - I am up to 3 hours. Sometimes it is harder than other time - and when I am home all weekend it is hard to keep track of the time - but I am doing it. I really think that cutting out the cafffeine has help my bladder control.